The Dating Game: To Text or Not to Text?

The Dating Game: To Text or Not to Text?

Here’s the scene: You just went out with a cute guy on a great date. Things were left on a positive note and the following day you want to text him. Or maybe not because that would seem too needy…or maybe yes because it was such a perfect night! Ah!!! Do you text him or not?

I think it’s safe to say that this is one of the most common topics during Sunday brunch with my friends. Personally, I always prefer to play it cool. I know it may seem old fashioned, but I think a guy should be the first to text. That said it’s always good to feel out the situation. If you and “lover boy” have a mutual friend, ask your friend if they heard anything about the date. Otherwise, I think it’s best to hold out. If you do decide to text him and don’t get a response, it’s safe to assume that he isn’t as into it as you are. At this point, delete his number and move on.

What do you do when you’ve just gone on a great date with a guy and he hasn’t called or texted you two days after your night out? Would you text him?

Have any more “Dating Game” questions for me? Leave them in the comments below.

XO Lauren

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  • Sarah Heckle

    I think you can text him…but send just ONE, unless he responds and initiates a conversation. Maybe he’s shy and waiting for you to say something first. :)

    Sarah – what I wore to the winery!

  • Stephanie Lauren

    Okay texting after a positive date is a no brainer, just send one and if you don’t hear back then call it quits. But what about if the date goes fine (that ‘meh’ kind of fine) and you’re not interested? I feel awful not texting back!

  • Melissa Panici

    Great advice! I would text him but if he didn’t respond to my one text, then I would get rid of his number. Luckily, I don’t have to play the dating game anymore because I have my man:)

  • Connie Lofska

    true story.. I do the same thing as Lauren says.. ! :-)

  • Stephanie Shoff

    Definitely wait for a text. Make the guy do a little work and feel like there’s some sort of chase involved. Guys nowadays have it way too easy!

  • k2spitfire

    only players chase. this is a recipe that attracts players.

  • Lui

    I agree with Lauren.. u should always wait for the guy to text.. if he doesnt text, he`s not interested.. u`re not interesting anymore if you ran after him..

  • Marielisa Gomez

    I agree! That is such a dilemma but guys should always be the one looking for you and trying to reach you, specially at the beginning!

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  • Emily Piatt

    I really wish everyone would go back to the more traditional ways of doing things. I know I will be giving my daughter the advice to wait for him to call first, come to the door and meet us and visit before every date, ask my husband for her hand… the whole nine. Any guy that doesn’t respect the wishes of a girls family doesn’t respect my daughter enough to have her in his life. Next! lol

  • Kari Williamson

    Frankly, I think it comes down to whether it was a good date. If I liked him and I had a good time, I’ll text him to thank him for a good evening and to tell him I’d like to see him again. If he doesn’t respond, I have my answer.

    On another note, I think it’s always best to be honest with someone. If he texts you and asks you out again, but you’re not feeling it, TELL HIM! People are psychic and by being honest you’re letting him move on. I wish more people would be honest about how they feel about you. It so much easier to cut your losses and move on if you have a definite answer.

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  • Rachel Trampel

    I think this is good advice, but I also think it depends on your personalities. I texted my boyfriend first with a witty, clever text (or so I thought) and he responded immediately. But I just felt like we had chemistry and I tend to be extremely outgoing and like to joke around. I sent him a flirty type joke after we first hung out and from there it was history. Typically I would say the guy would text first, but if you are really feeling him and it is your personality to put yourself out there, then why not?! I thought at the time, if he doesn’t respond or what not then just let go.

  • Trish Fitzpatrick

    I think that if you’re interested in the guy, and you have something to say – then say it!!! Following silly rules like this are what makes dating SO difficult! No one would ever successfully navigate the world of dating if these rules all actually applied!!

    I never worry about what the guy might think, because frankly if sending him a quick text to tell him I had a great night makes him think that I’m “” a stage fiver”” then we clearly wouldn’t make a good couple in the first place… and on to the next one!!!

  • Meghan Conard

    Completely agree! Great advice!


  • Marvin C.

    I don’t understand – why is ‘Love’ treated like a game with rules? Isn’t love a feeling? Why all these ‘strategies?’ Why the ‘mind games’ & manipulation?

    I think, that if a Lady feels like texting(calling etc)a guy, she simply should… She shouldn’t wait… What if the guy thinks EXACTLY the same & he too is ‘holding out’ waiting to hear from her? Then both of them, would become ‘Mutually Exclusive’, & a potentially meaningful relationship would stopped dead in it’s tracks…

    Besides – isn’t being open, honest & yourself a Good thing – Especially where romantic relationships are concerned? If a Lady is the type of person to ‘hold out’ then by all means she should, but if she isn’t & feels that ‘need’, she should not – regardles of if she’s judged needy or not…

    I believe in being yourself & letting people judge so they can honestly decide for themselves if they likeappreciateetc the kind of person you are, or not… Pretending to be ‘not as interested’ etc by ‘playing it cool’ etc may come back to haunt you when later down the line he realizes you’re actually not(as cool as you seemed)…

    Questions(to think about):

    Have you ever known someone for a while, then later fell in love with them? (if so then)Don’t you think it’s remotely possible that a guy who isn’t ‘in to you as much as you are in to him’ on the first date, may eventually become ‘in to you’ just as much having got to know you better?(keep in mind it’s only the first date – why be soo drastic, Especially when he first date went well? If you’re really into him – how is it possible for you to give up on him so easily? O.O)

    (Anyways)Wouldn’t you like a guy to just be himself? Do you not think that guys want Ladies to do the same?

    How would you feel if ‘Lover boy’ does indeed text you the next day, saying that he Enjoyed the first date, hence finds himself thinking of you & wants to go out for another? Don’t you think a guy would appreciate such a text too?

    I would – but I’m different… I believe in mutual relationships with ladies – I-mean, everyone(men & Ladies)wants to befeel loved, & appreciated, & needed, & desired etc right? …Right? (Lol)

    Think about it… =] (& set fire to the ‘love games’… -.-)

  • Agata Kalinowska

    Okay, let me paint you a little picture: I’m a shy person, no self confidence or anything of that kind. I have never been able to talk to guys first and found that scary, I thought that they will laugh at me. And this summer, I’ve been on a trip in USA. And there was this guy on this trip with me. From the very first day we caught eye contact, but were too shy. And every day we were acting like two fools and kept peeking at each other pretending that we are not. I have noticed that he is even more shy than me and I knew that he wanted to meet me so I finally got rid of some boudaries and talked to him. We went out in Las Vegas (in a bigger group) and we’ve spent all evening laughing and talking, but after that we stopped and started with the peeking again, because we were in much bigger group again. Than in LA he did something that was really sweet to me although it didn’t involve words. In Hawaii I invited him for ice cream, because he paid for the cab and I wanted to be nice plus it was a great chance to be with him alone. And it was really good, w laughed a lot, there was chemistry and all that, but after that I was going to NYC and he was going home. Before I left for the airport he said to me ‘ I hope we keep in touch’. But the ‘touch’ now isn’t as great as I hoped it would be, but I am 99% sure he liked me, I couldn’t be that wrong after seeing him every day for 3 weeks. I’m not sure if I should be the one who writes first all the time, but on the other hand I think he wants me to text him. I don’t know, I’ m lost and in need of help. Thanks!

  • jampbp

    Personally I’m a little traditional in this sense as well. I like to wait for the guy to text or call first. I also appreciate having doors opened for me and would expect my future husband to ask my father for my hand in marriage. Having said that, if this is not your personal style and you want to text him the next day to thank him for a nice evening, I say do it. If he takes that as “”too needy”” or doesn’t respond, then you know he’s not the right one for you.

  • Christina Graci

    if he hasn’t texted 2 days after, I think it’s safe to send him a little message. If you don’t hear from him after though, then consider it done. Also, I think girls over think texts the are composing way too much. Just say what you feel. Keep it simple.

  • Lily P.

    I don’t agree with you Lauren,it’s not necessary that the guy should text first!I don’t mind text him first and I usually do it,it’s nice because you haven’t thought the fact that boys can be shy too or think just the way we girls think..Anyway,if I really like a guy and I have had a great date with him,no matter what,I would text him just to see how things are going to be with us!

  • Magali Smolik

    Hi Lauren!

    Thanks for the tips! I am actually lost with this “”Dating Game””! I’m from Switzerland and I moved to LA one year ago, but I’m having a hard time understanding guys here. In my culture, you are with the person or you aren’t. The situation is clear most of the time, even if it is just a “”fun body””, you know what to expect. We don’t date people.

    Here I am totally lost with all these games, and I’m usually the loser because I start to have feelings for the person and then I realise that the guy doesn’t even want something serious. So please Lauren, if you could explain me how this “”dating game”” work (and what it is exactly) I would really appreciate!

  • Camille

    I’m the last person to be dishing out advice because the movie/book “”He’s Just Not That Into You”” has pretty much squashed my self confidence but, here goes..

    I’m incredibly shy and reserved with zero self confidence. All of my girlfriends have had a million realtionships and I think it’s because of their outgoing personalities. I never talk to a guy first. I’m afraid I’ll come across as needy and clingy plus, the rejection factor is one of my worst fears. I figure, if he’s really interested, he’ll decide to come up and talk to me. I know people say, “”well guys are shy too. You can’t wait on him to make the move because there’s a chance he never will””. I just tell myself, If it’s meant to be, it will happen.

    I was just discussing this topic last night! Isn’t there a 3-day rule about this? I say if you are really into the guy, then you could send a short and sweet message along the lines of “”I had a great time the other night!”” and then the ball is in his court.

  • Cesie Alvarez

    I am NOT old fashioned at all! I actually hate the game and rules involved with dating.
    If you like someone, just go for it! Text him telling him how you feel! If you feel like it went well why would you ever hold that back? I’m sure he would love to know what you thought about the date. Guys are people too and as crazy as it may seem, they have feelings as well. And the guy is probably driving home after the date wondering if he should text you too! And if you do it first well then you just put both of your minds at ease. And if you don’t and he does great again!
    And if you want to wait then wait. If you just can’t take it anymore after waiting like a day just text him! Life is too short to be worrying about text rules and playing these silly waiting games.

    I could go on and on. But honestly go with your gut! One of my closest friends always is in shock when I tell her that I text guys. But it’s always worked out in my favor- whether or not I got the guy.
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  • lisa ang

    i totally agree with you!!!

    so my question is: how to do understant if a guy likes you??

    not a guy that you have go out or something like a date! you know from friends (that you cant really ask) and you have you out like a team or something..

  • Martin M

    Me as a guy I think you should write him after one day if he didn


    I completely agree, a guy should always be the first to start the texting conversation! Play a little hard to get, nothing scares a guy off quicker than a girl who seems needy and clingy!

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  • Kellie Norton

    I absolutely believe that guys should be the first to text! It’s a proven fact that if a guy likes you, he WILL text you. It’s a waste of time, energy, and emotions trying to figure out if he wants to see you again. The best thing is to delete his number if he never texts you, you know you’ll want to text him some needy message… so deleting is the best way to prevent this embarrassing move :-)


  • Sarah F

    I absolutely agree with this article. Ladies, it’s not about being old-fashioned! This is the beginning of your relationship. If he doesn’t have enough initiative and guts to make the first move now, imagine how he’ll be down the road with bigger decisions. When I dated, I n-e-v-e-r made the first move. Not because I felt I couldn’t, but because I shouldn’t have to. If they didn’t call or text, it stung a little but it just affirmed that they weren’t the one for me (and that’s more than OK!).

    • Andreas

      The reason you’re not taking initiative is either that you’re afraid of getting rejected. or that you’re somewhat delusional. If you think it’s the guys “job” to walk up to you, he might say it’s your “job” as a woman to cook everyday. I’m not ranting, I’m just explaining to you that your way of thinking is a little bit weird. Not wrong, since we all have our rights to think as we want.

  • chelsea underwood

    @ Camille B the whole “”3 day rule”” is total bs! This is a relationship NOT a tv game show! If he’s into you, you will know. He’ll call/text you. For instance, I went on a date with a guy that I met online and we totally hit it off. I texted him an hour after our date to thank him since I had not in person. He texted me right back…this is where it gets weird…the next day after work, he texted me. I waited 5 min to respond and then wrote back. NO RESPONSE. I texted him a few hours later and still NOTHING! I really don’t understand that one…Another example, my current “”lover”” (we’re dating not official yet) I also met online and since he doesn’t have texting, we talk on the phone. We had talked for HOURS (I mean hours and hours) on the phone and messaged back and forth online before meating for our first date. After, he told me to call when I got home so he knew I was safe, and I told him to do the same. We both did and when he called me, we talked for 20 min before he went to bed. See how easy that is?? No games. Just straight up communication. There aren’t “”rules”” you need to “”follow””. A relationship should be easy; not your second job.

  • chelsea underwood


  • Dina Karivalis

    Good advice and so true!

    xo Dina

  • Cesie Alvarez

    Ok I need to add another reply.

    If you choose to text him first, what is the worst that can happen? He doesn’t text back? …ok so what!

    At least you know you put in an effort.

    And if you don’t text first and he never texts you first…. you get the exact same outcome. But at least in the first scenario you gave it a shot.

  • Amelia Rose

    If he hasn’t texted or called you after two days, I think it would be safe to say he is not interested. If you really think he is the one and want to see him again, I would approcach a mutual friend, or send him a short and sweet text thanking him for the night out. He may just be waiting for you to put in some effort.

  • KAO


    What is your advice on spicing up a relationship thats been going on for a year or more?

  • Christina Lo

    I totally agree, but so much easier said than done, haha. It’s like I don’t like a clingy guy, but I don’t want a guy that doesn’t text me either.

    Actually, I have a date tonight. I’m really the type of person to not say “”no”” though, soooo, I don’t know how tonight will go. Because I never want to be like “”what if””…and I try not to judge a guy until I get to spend time with him.

    Lauren, you should do a post about whether to go on a date with a guy you’re not sure you’re into and you don’t want to be leading him on. And maybe another post about having a guy friend who may like you, but you don’t like him and how do you deal with that even after a confrontation about just wanting to be friends?

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  • Cristina Suarez

    If the date went great I would text him “”had a great time :)”” that way I can have the peace of mind that I tried and also with that “”the ball is on his court”” he has to do decide if he is not interested then move on.

  • Tara Workman

    If he’s really into you he’ll text you. My fianc

  • Lauren Dumas

    This isn’t a dating game questions, but I most certainly need advice.

    I am a junior in college and all of a sudden my life has become much more eventful and drama filled. I am not sure why or what has changed but it is so stressful and I dont know how to handle it. You certainly had your share of drama during The Hills, what should I do?

  • Robin Vera

    When was your first first date?


  • golnaz shirinzad

    well I’ll text him but I like the part you said he isn’t as into it as you are so delete hos number… ! thanks Lauren ๐Ÿ˜‰

  • Saskia Jansen

    I wouldn’t text him. I would go out the next day and try to find someone better than him. There is always something better!

    Xo S

  • Lindsey Gerstlauer

    I’m sorta old-fashioned like you Lauren. I’d rather the guy reach out to me first. However, if I really felt a strong connection, I may say something to get the ball rolling. Guys can be so clueless and sometimes need that little push, haha!

  • Marie Fournier

    I wouldn’t text him or call him because is to the guys to do that the first Because if he really want see you an other time, he should call you or text you. But I think today, the guys are more shy or somethings like that …. it’s like they are afraid to the the first steps, like call her or text her than before, it’s what I think….

  • Linh Ly

    i agree just wait it out. in the end if a guy likes you he will text you no matter what.



    I’ve been talkin to a guy from my school for a few days and I invited him to go to my brothers football game with me on Saturday but I don’t know what I should wear to this and how do you know if its going to go anywhere from this? HELP PLEASE!!!!

  • Andy Hitt

    See this would require being asked out on dates :)

  • Emilie

    Good tip – I think hold out too.

    xo Emilie @

  • Charnele Michel

    I feel the same way but nowadays guys have been very hesitant to be the first to text. But if he’s into you he’ll surely text you !

  • Nathalia

    It really depends on the type of guy you are into, as some others have said before. If you are into the type of guy who likes playing mindgames, and you are into mindgames too, then by all means, always wait for him to take charge of everything. But I see some problems with this:

    A) You will always have to take what you get from him, because you are unable to take charge yourself.

    B) If the guy thinks you are clingy just because you send a text the next day or two days afterwards, he propably has issues with closeness that will show during the entire relationship.

    C) If you are someone who is outgoing and has a heart-on-the-sleeve sort of personality, or indeed are self-confident and like to be in control sometimes, you will have to hide that by playing by some stupid old fashioned rules.

    The world has changed since 1950 when the men had to be confident and felt their masculinity was hurt if they didn’t do all the picking and choosing. The only guys who are into this stuff now are a) Boys, who are still unsure how masculinity is spelled b) Douchebags, who missed out on emancipation.

    Besides, these traditions can’t be older than 60 or so years, since before that you would never meet a girl alone till you were engaged. I think it was just a fashion-trend that is out of fashion by now.

    I say, if you think he felt that connection too, send him a funny, light follow-up text with an inside joke from your date and wait if he answers after that. Only one text mind you, I think its the perfect compromise between tradition and modernity.

  • Marianne Jarvis

    If you have feelings for a guy but are not sure how he feels , do you tell him how you feel or wait to know if he likes you back?

    With texting, I would wait for the guy to text back! :) Xx

  • Tiffani Stuart

    Thats funny, b/c my “”Dating”” pattern isn’t so much like that. I tend to be friends w/a guy first before I date them. I hate awk-weird dates, where people are trying “”get to know”” each other and you know the “”real”” them might not actually be shown for a few weeks or months… You know, cause people are usually on their “”Best Behavior””– and sometimes that’s not who they really are, lol.

    However, I’m w/you, Lauren– on this topic. By nature, I’m not the one who “”Plays it cool”” if I really like a guy. If I’m not into him, then it’s easy to not try to stay in contact… but from what I’ve experienced & learned, it’s safer to let them take the lead. It’s hard for me, being a first born of 5children- b/c I’m used to taking the lead. I have a “”Leader”” mentality– and am pretty independent. But as far as this, it’s better to make them work for you. Women like me should turn off their phones, hide them, or put them on silent a few days after a date, and resolve to only check it after a certain time, just to keep up w/those who know how to “”play it cool”” lol. You guys have it right on this one. I still have to restrain myself & I’m 31yrs old.

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  • Kate Noto

    I would text first and say how I had a great time and see where it goes from there.

  • abby klups

    when are you coming to chicago?

  • Crystal Briz

    When will you be coming back to Houston, TX to do the next signing, I’m so thrilled to meet you :)

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  • lola-rose

    heeelp! i’ve had this ‘friends with benefits’ thing going on with this guy for about 4 months now. He treats me like his gf but everytime i hit him up about it he says we are just friends and says he will try stop being more than friends, but that never happens we always end up together.We both like each other but i think he is just scared of a relationship as he just got out of a long one. We are in the same circle of friends and i just want to forget about him but he always texts me. :( xo

  • Zeineb Abdelhedi

    i like a guy for this moment. i don’t know him . i just see him every morning in the bus what i do to attract his attention? please help :)

  • Sally Gardens

    I agree, always play it cool!

  • Sara Pelham

    What do you do when you’ve just gone on a great date with a guy and he hasn’t called or texted you two days after your night out? Would you text him?

    The answer to that is goodbye to you, dream date. Men will sometimes not call just to see if you will react! I personally think games are childish..but if you run into the guy out later and he is suddenly interested, you’ll know the chase is on and the ball is in your court at that point.

  • Melis87

    Lauren: How do I get a date? I recently became single, after being in a relationship for 9 years. I got no idea how to meet new men and get a date, and I feel really insecure when it comes to dating. I was 16 years old when my ex and I got together, and I got no experience in the dating game at all.

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  • Dear Jazz

    Totally agree, they should be the first to send the message, and if they do … “”It was nice to meet you”” and move on.

  • Lexi Lou

    So I have this guy in my life that is my ex and has been my best friend before we dated & after, but we had a little falling out because he broke 2 promises; 1. that our realationship would never mess up our friendship if we didn’t last, 2. that out new boyfriends or girlfriends wouldn’t get in the way of our friendship. He is really improtant to me & i know deep down inside i’m important to him & I want our friendship back. What should I do?


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  • Asmaa Attieh

    Hi Lauren,

    I like this guy and we are getting along quite well. He got my number from my friend and he makes me feel like more of a woman than any other guy I have ever talked to. I enjoy the times we see each other, talk, or text. He gives wonderful advice and told me that he likes me way before I told him. I’m doing my best to follow these rules, but they begin to take over my mind. I don’t want to ruin it by texting him too much, so I hold off on responding right away sometimes. I try and keep it cordial because I never know what his next move is. This is an adventure for me because I have never been through this before. I want to know if these things are normal in the “”beginning of the getting to know someone stages.”” Thank you in advance.

    Asmaa Attieh

  • Lyn

    I would wait until the next day, and maybe around lunchtime send a text saying “”Thanks for dinner last night. I had a good time””. Simple and not tooo needy and then HE has the chance to say…””lets do it again. Then if you dont hear from him, then it wasnt meant to be, and you were polite and didnt come off too interested. I am old fashioned but at the same time, guys have the same insecurities that we do and do feel rejected if someone doesnt show interest, so I think if you had a good time, there is no harm in admitting it.

  • typicallytali

    if he likes you, he’ll text you! that’s the bottom line :)

  • Jennie Felix

    Dear Lauren,
    So I’ve been texting this guy. he didn’t my number directly but, my mom gave me his number to text him. I texted him first he did respond afterwards. But Im the one to start the conversation the next day. I’m sure that he does like me. I need some advice and thank you.

  • katliz

    I tote agree on the old-fashioned side of things. If he wants to talk to you, he will find a way. If he doesn’t, he won’t. To get over that waiting around feeling, just busy yourself to where he does not occupy your mind so much. Find a hobby. Hang out with friends. Don’t dwell on it. And if it’s a no, sucks to suck, but move on! Don’t expend unnecessary energy being sad when you can have fun with another guy.

  • katliz

    I tote agree on the old-fashioned side of things. If he wants to talk to you, he will find a way. If he doesn’t, he won’t. To get over that waiting around feeling, just busy yourself to where he does not occupy your mind so much. Find a hobby. Hang out with friends. Don’t dwell on it. And if it’s a no, sucks to suck, but move on! Don’t expend unnecessary energy being sad when you can have fun with another guy.

  • katliz

    I tote agree on the old-fashioned side of things. If he wants to talk to you, he will find a way. If he doesn’t, he won’t. To get over that waiting around feeling, just busy yourself to where he does not occupy your mind so much. Find a hobby. Hang out with friends. Don’t dwell on it. And if it’s a no, sucks to suck, but move on! Don’t expend unnecessary energy being sad when you can have fun with another guy.

  • katliz

    I tote agree on the old-fashioned side of things. If he wants to talk to you, he will find a way. If he doesn’t, he won’t. To get over that waiting around feeling, just busy yourself to where he does not occupy your mind so much. Find a hobby. Hang out with friends. Don’t dwell on it. And if it’s a no, sucks to suck, but move on! Don’t expend unnecessary energy being sad when you can have fun with another guy.

  • This Little Lady

    This is a tricky one, I remember going out with a guy on a date and at the end he cleverly told me to “”let him know when I reached home…”” Very well played indeed. His words implied concern and yet he also managed to get his way on how I’d text first after the date. Win-Win. Haha, it’s not always the case though. If a guy didn’t text after a first date he might be just as anxious as me. Especially if the guy has confidence issues. It might be best to act on your own individual feelings, if you think it went well, go for it. If not there’s no need to text. At the end of the day, what do you really have to lose? :) Thanks, Lauren! Love TeeElle xo

  • This Little Lady

    This is a tricky one, I remember going out with a guy on a date once and at the end he cleverly told me to “”let him know when I reached home…”” Very well played indeed. His words implied concern and yet he also managed to get his way on how I’d text make the initial move after the date. Win-Win. (For him anyway) Haha, it’s not always the case though! If a guy didn’t text after a date he might be just as anxious as you are to take that first step. Especially if the guy has confidence issues. It might be best to act on your own individual feelings, if you think it went well, go for it. If not there’s no need to text. At the end of the day, what do you really have to lose? :) Thanks, Lauren! Love TeeElle xo

  • This Little Lady

    This is a tricky one, I remember going out with a guy on a date once and at the end he cleverly told me to “”let him know when I reached home…”” Very well played indeed. His words implied concern and yet he also managed to get his way on how I’d text make the initial move after the date. Win-Win. (For him anyway) Haha, it’s not always the case though! If a guy didn’t text after a date he might be just as anxious as you are to take that first step. Especially if the guy has confidence issues. It might be best to act on your own individual feelings, if you think it went well, go for it. If not there’s no need to text. At the end of the day, what do you really have to lose? :) Thanks, Lauren! Love TeeElle xo

  • Neri

    This is great. Not that I have had a proper boyfriend yet, but when I do I will definitely take this advice! :)

  • Carolyn Yang

    I agree with Lauren. I play it cool. Dont text him. If it was that awesome, he will be texting you while your driving home thanking you for a good time, telling you he hopes u made it home safe, and tell you goodnight with maybe a “”sweet dreams..”” LOL.

    I agree.. if he isnt texting you 2-3 days after… DELETE and NEXT!

  • MelLY

    I agree with Lauren. Let the guy make the first move and call or text you.

  • Bianca

    I second this Dear Lauren! When people set me up with guys I never know how long I should wait before I assume they’re not into it!

  • Maletlala Letuka

    I love this Lauren. Im inlove with your blog.

  • Reka D.

    I agree with Lauren too! I’m also an old fashioned young lady who believes that if a man wants something from Us, he will find the way to reach Us…texts,call,etc. Sound simple but I have a question…What about if he sends texts for weeks,then after the date he calls….then The next day I send a text and then he such douchebag….we played all of these games and I just don’t know what to think about him,so much question running in my head….Any advice ladies or Lauren?:) Xoxo Reka from Hungary

  • Lula Robles

    Totally agree !

  • Marlene Di Marte

    Guys MUST chase the girls in my opinion! I dated a guy who was always the one to text me first :)

  • jiturka

    If you fell like it, then why not text? Maybe I just have such uncomplicated relationships and am lucky, but we’ve never played any such “games” and just went sincere about it. If you liked that date and want to text, why not? Then the ball is in his court. On the other hand, my common sense wouldn’t let me write more than 2, max three messages and the third one definitely after some time.

  • Becky

    I think every person and situation requires slightly different rules. In general I think it’s a good idea for the guy to be the pursuer (at least initially). I had no problem letting a guy know I liked him and making a move, but I look back at some of those moments and cringe. I often kept pseudo relationships going on only my initiative and never his. When I met my husband (on-line), he wanted a second date and I didn’t. So we became friends and nearly a year later I started falling for him. Because he was a gentleman and was being very careful to treat me as a platonic friend, I had to make the first move to get things moving. I consider that a unique situation since he did want to date me initially and I had to let him know my heart had changed. So, I set up our first date and kissed him. No regrets.

  • Ashley Nicole

    Before I read the article I was distracted by those amazing accessories! Can anyone tell me where I can get jewelry that looks like that?

    • drea28

      and the sweater

  • Eh Lumnie

    I know where he lives so …

  • Emily Peterson

    Love this topic! However, I am actually super surprised with how many ladies are in agreement. :-) I agree too, but in some ways. So I’m in my lower 30’s and happy as ever, but have been through some tough dating to get here. From my experience, and with also actually asking men what they think about the subject, I have found that men like it when you text them. They take you out, pay for the food and drinks, and like it when you text the next day to say “thank you I had an awesome time”. It shows you are interested, but not needy. Needy is texting too often or not waiting until he responds to text again. Of course, if you are the one eventually asking him out all the time and texting all the time, then take a look at the situation and adjust. It should be 50/50 effort. Not men at 60 and women at 40, vice versa. I have had the best dating when both of us are texting freely and openly, again all within reason, and each situation is different. I think the “chase”, or the old fashioned way, used to be spoken of all of the time and I have seen it fade over the past couple of years. And to be honest it’s stressful. Old fashioned to me is more like a man taking you out and opening the door, not the woman playing it cool. And yes I do think the man should do the mans work definitely, but the women should also be fully present, and show interest.
    And AT THE END OF THE DAY: If he’s into you, he’s not going to care one bit if you text him first, or if he texts first. If he’s into you, he’s not going to care if you say too much or have that awkward moment you sometimes have. If he’s into you, he’s going to really like who you are, not who you are hiding. And like I said, this should all be done in reason, not being too overbearing or pushy, but also being present. Go for it, use your intuition, be yourself and don’t have any regrets for being not fully present. ๐Ÿ˜‰
    Love your relationship posts, LC!!

  • Minerva Veliz

    Hi Lauren,
    I need your advice :) so I went to my friend’s wedding and met this really nice guy before the reception started and we were talking along with my other friends. Once the reception started we went to our table and he sat right next to me. We talked throughout the whole night and he even asked me to dance. I felt like we hit it off but once the night ended and I told him good bye he didn’t even ask for my number. I’m old fashioned in the sense that the guy should ask for the number and not the other way around. Or is that wrong? I haven’t dated much in college since I’m focused on my school work since I’m a premed student.

    Kindest regards,


  • Nina

    Hi. Please help me . I’m really confused. He texts me really quick most of the time but I’ll be waiting an entire day sometimes. He usually keeps the conversation going and we have been texting for almost a week now. He doesn’t flirt, our conversations are pretty casual. Sometimes I feel he is interested but then sometimes I think what if he is just friendly. We have met each other twice in person but always with a group of friends.

  • Natalie

    I totally disagree. I don’t think there is anything wrong with having a little iniative and being upfront. That’s how I landed my husband. I didn’t over think things. I didn’t play games (like wanting to text, but not). I think a lot of guys are turned off by girls that are indecisive. Be yourself, text him and see where it goes. If we continue to make it a culture that the girl texting back is needy, then it will be viewed that way. Do your own thing. It’s not bad to make your intentions known.

  • vanessa

    I think maybegive them the first oppertunity to text if maybe after a day r two they don’t write something breezy like “that was fun if u wanna do it again let give me a text” then leave Otto them to either ask r not and show u they aren’t interwated

  • Sarah

    I completely agree with the article! I never text a guy first after a date, if he likes you he WILL text you!

  • Andreas

    I think anyone can do what they want in a situation like this. Though, I think it’s really bad to “teach” people that girls shouldn’t take initiative when it comes to dating guys. I love when a girl text me first, that’s a sign that she likes me, or atleast it is most of the times. If she doesn’t then I don’t want anything to do with her and move on.
    I’m not bragging what so ever now, but there’s been several girls I’ve dated that asked me why I stopped talking to them. Easily answered: “You seem way to boring and not at all intressted.”

    If you like someone, show it. If you don’t then leave it at that.
    As I said before, I think it’s fine for girls to “expect” the guy to start the conversations. But do not, and I mean never ever, expect a guy to ever like you if you’re not willing to even start a conversation with him! :)

  • Jane

    I am over 45 and I had a date last night with a guy whose younger than me. We have been talking over emails for 1 week or so. He asked if he could stay over as the buses dont run after a certain time, and I said sure but I was not comfortable with it. I dont have a couch someone can sleep on its just a loveseat. He called to change the meeting time as he came by bus and he works shift work which messes him up, hes new in the job. So we went to eat and had some beer. We came back, relaxed, played music for awhile. Then there was an awful smell of skunk and a burning plastic that was making us sick. I had my windows open. So most of the time it was him talking, he did not ask much about me which I did not expect, because in his emails he showed alot of interest in me and had my photos. I had warned him I dont want a fling or just sex, Im seeking a relationship (before we actually met). So the reason he came later was he had to do two errands and one was dropping off to his ex’s to drop something off. I dont know what to say about this Im not impressed. He told me over the phone I will explain this later. So at dinner he said its over with them, but they share a dogsitting business still (she does not live with him). He also works FT in another job. So what happened is there is alot of attraction and we were making out etc in my place. He then later wanted to lay down and more fooling around. He even showered and had an overnight bag. Then at 200 am he gets up to smoke and seems panicked and said he hopes I dont get mad but he cant sleep here and wants to wakeup in his place (but the toxic smell was keeping us up and we were not well). So I said sure (like what choice do I have right!). Then he said are you available this weekend (its a 3 day weekend) and I said yes. So he left, he did not hug me. We both did not feel comfortable sleeping together since we dont know each other and agreed to no sex until we both have testing done, which I really respected. So this morning I emailed him (we dont have texting or I dont), and thanked him for the nice time , and I like him etc but no word since. I went through 6 other guys like this same situation in the past year. I hate getting hurt and disappointed. He told me him and his ex its over and there is nothing there. I am also out of work and that is not good for me for finding a partner.

  • Liz

    I am a bit confused about this one. I went on a date with a guy a few weeks ago and it went super great, on out first date he said he doesn’t like texting and that at times I might feel that he is not interested in me because of his poor communication skills. With that being said, we were in touch every day, we have not been out again and I am feeling very disappointed. He hasn’t text me 2-days and I don;t want to text him but then again I do. I consider myself to have very terrible luck with man. I am a 35 years old single mother of twins and I feel good about myself, but lately I’ve been doubting I look at good as I feel. I lost 120 lbs and I love it however, I can’t get a date. It never bothered me before but now as I get older it’s getting to me the fact that I am still single at 35. What am I doing wrong?

  • Flowergirl

    I have a questions about texting a guy I went on about 5 dates with. Our last date was the most wonderful one as we connected really well and got closer. But after he said he got sacred and had to take things slow and then even wanted to stop all together seeing each other and keeping in touch. Should I continue to send short sweet text like every 2-3 weeks to remind him I am still thinking of him, or just leave him to come back when he is ready ?



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