Ask Lauren: My Friends are All Engaged!

I hope everyone is enjoying my Ask Lauren series. One of my favorite things about posting these blogs is the conversation it sparks in the comments. You guys provide so many great insights and offer such great advice. It’s truly heart-warming to see how this site has become such a supportive and nurturing place. I feel like that’s hard to come by online. Anyway, enough of my rant… Today I’m spearheading a topic that I think many of you might be able to relate to (and if not now, perhaps in the future). This submission was sent to me via private message on my profile page so our girl will remain anonymous. Here’s her question:

Two of my best friends just got engaged and my boyfriend and I of 5 years just broke up. It’s such bad timing! I’m 25 years old and feel like I’m behind now that my friends are moving forward with their lives and getting married and I’m back at square one (not that my life depends on a guy or being in a relationship or anything). Now when I go out with my friends on the weekend I feel like I’m always the third wheel and I’m having a hard time meeting a guy, especially because of the fact that all of my friends are in relationships and I am pretty much the only single girl left in our group. I work crazy hours and I cannot imagine how I’ll ever meet anyone at this rate.

What should I do? Not to be cheesy, but is it acceptable to join an online dating site? I just have no time…

First things first, NO—it is not cheesy to join a dating site. I have several friends who have tried them and while they aren’t for everyone, sometimes they are a great way to meet someone. I don’t think it’s unusual to be nervous about feeling a bit behind relationship-wise when you are in your mid-twenties. One thing to keep in mind while you are attending weddings, showers and other events celebrating your friends’ relationships is that these aren’t things you are missing out on. They are things you have to look forward to. I was in a similar place last year. Twenty-five, newly single and helping one of my best friends plan her wedding, so I know how it can feel. It can be hard to feel like you have to start from scratch when you have invested so much time with a person, but shortly after my break up I realized something: I wasn’t losing the chance to have love—I was getting the opportunity to do it all over again.

Another thing to keep in mind is that your best friends’ husbands have single friends and that can be a great way to meet guys. So let your friends know that you are looking to be set up. Lastly, there is no shame in being a third wheel. Don’t think of it as being the only single person in a group. Instead, think of it as having multiple wingmen (or women) with you and since they are all attached there is no competition.

What do you guys think? Sound off in the comments below.

XO Lauren

You might also like…
Ask Lauren: The Pre-College Breakup
Ask Lauren: How Do I Break Into the Fashion Industry?
Ladylike Laws: To Hug or Not to Hug?
Ask Lauren: Boyfriends Before Friends?

Photo: Vogue

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  • Devarshi Chaudhary

    I am also 30 and half and recently single from a 2 year relationship that ended 2 months ago. I would love to chat with you and talk to you about the same things we are going through. I hope to make a friend.

  • Johnna

    I love this! I think the moral of Lauren’s post is to STAY POSITIVE and not let other people’s journey define your own as well as to focus on what you do have rather than what you don’t. I am 31…I am not in a serious relationship but am dating and loving my life! I have a meaningful career and love what I do. I also have an amazing circle of friends who are mostly married with young children but I absolutely love spending time with them and am so grateful to have them in my life. My younger sister also just had a baby…I love being an aunt and feel this has brought me closer to my sister and mom. Again – focus on what you have to be grateful for in your life. 25 is still really young. Do not let your relationship status define you! Everyone has something really valuable to bring to this world and you should focus on that instead of whether you’re married or not…there’s a lot more to you than that! 🙂

  • Amanda DeVincenzo

    Interesting topic! While I’m on the other side now as a bride-to-be, I was a single woman in my early 30s–broken and confused, having left behind an abusive relationship, believing I will never find love again–watching all my friends find love, keep love, and bask in their love. I felt I was competely missing out every single day.

    But as Lauren said best in the article, “I was getting the opportunity to do it all over again.” YES! Absolutely key to remember! Every day is a new day to… You decide. I found my fiance on an online dating website three years ago, and I thank my lucky stars that I kept pushing forward when I felt discouraged. Otherwise, we might never have found each other and be getting hitched this September. I will admit that this is all happening later in life than I “thought” or “planned” for my life, but that’s the beauty in it. Actually, it was perfect timing!!!

    Good luck, Anonymous Single! Life and love have a wonderful way of falling into place when you can ask questions, find answers, and stay open to things you never thought possible.

  • golfgal90

    i have had this feeling. i had just turned 25 when i joined a dating website and met my now-boyfriend. it was one of the best things i’ve done, to put myself out there and meet people. i struggled a lot because of the environment and town i work in, that i wasn’t meeting people. i met a lot of really nice guys through online dating and clearly met a keeper, it’ll be a year in 2 weeks! don’t be afraid to put yourself out there, but also don’t rush it. i live near a huge city so it was important to me to get to meet and date different people and not try to settle on someone super quickly just to be in a relationship. i’m really happy now, just over 1 year later!