Ask Lauren: Boyfriends Before Friends?


Every few weeks I check my inbox here on the website and while I cannot respond to each and every message, I thought it would be nice to offer advice and answer questions in a new blog series called, Ask Lauren. To kick things off, I decided to answer a question that a member messaged me. (For the sake of privacy, she will remain anonymous.) Today’s topic is one that I think a lot of us can relate to…

My best friend chose her boyfriend over me and we’ve been best friend since seventh grade. We don’t talk anymore or anything; she has changed her entire self for her boyfriend… How do I deal with losing my friend?

I think this is both a difficult and common situation that best friends often find themselves in. It can be really hard to be the number one priority in someone’s life and then suddenly feel like you have been replaced.

Speaking as someone who has been on both sides of this situation I can understand why your feelings would be hurt. I think the most important thing to remember is that when you are young, guys come and go, but real friends are forever. Sometimes we have to let our friends enjoy the beginning of a relationship knowing that we won’t get to have as much time with them.

It took me a while to learn this, but its something that will be returned when you meet a great guy and want to be swept away for a while. My advice would be to do your best to be happy for her and just give her a little time. Then, if nothing changes just be honest about the way you are feeling. Let her know that you miss her.

Do you guys have advice on this topic?

Also, if you need advice on a sticky situation, leave me a comment below. Or if you’d rather your question be answered anonymously, send me a private message by visiting my profile page and clicking “Send private message.”

While I cannot answer everyone’s questions, I’ll do my best to pick topics that you will be able to relate to.

XO Lauren

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Photo: Infotainer-dk

Categories: Ask Lauren, Grow, Relationships
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  • Melissa Panici

    Lauren this is so amazing that you are doing this for your fans. You amaze us everyday. I feel really bad for this young lady who lost her friend over a guy. I would have to say I agree with Lauren’s advice. If you give her some time to enjoy her relationship and she still doesn’t want to talk, let her know and if she still doesn’t care, it’s her loss. You will meet a new great friend some day and you will be friends for life.

  • Trish Landos

    Lauren what great advice! Like you, I had to learn this lesson the hard way. Oh how I wish that there were blogs like this when I was in the trenches of the dating world. Happily I fared well and ended up with my prince charming and the ups and downs I had with my girlfriends made our bonds unbreakable and deeply treasured. To you and all members, I know that you will someday be just as blessed but in the meantime enjoy the journey.

  • Sarah Heckle

    That’s good advice. I’ve been on both sides of the situation, too, and it’s sticky either way. Just be there for your friends, no matter what!

    it’s my birthday! > cute baby pic 😉

  • Danielle Winningham

    What do you do once they get engaged and she doesn’t ever bother to speak to you even when you’re living in the SAME apartment?

  • angelica bianco

    I’m really glad this has been brought up. One thing though. My best friend has been with her boyfriend for over 2 years now. And she still chooses him over me and my family (she lives with us). He has only come into my house 1 in these 2 years. Would that upset anyone else?

  • Katie Stuart

    I am in a similar situation, but instead of a boyfriend, it’s sorority girls. We are in our first year of college, and since last fall, she stopped talking to me. I know I didn’t do anything that would make her mad or not want to be friends with me anymore, so I’m really confused and hurt. Last Thanksgiving she called me and apologized for being the worst friend ever, but then she did it again. She got in a car accident a few weeks ago and I saw it on Facebook so I texted her saying I’m glad she’s ok, but never heard back from her. What do I do???

  • Britt

    I’ve been in this situation, but I tried my best to be aware of the time I was spending with my boyfriend and best friend. Even though I made sure to still try and catch up with her she still felt a bit ignored, but she never told me about it. She internalized her feelings and concluded that I didn’t care about her (completely wrong idea!). We had a really bad falling out because of it and haven’t really talked since. This is definitely a hard situation and takes effort from BOTH friends. The main thing is to communicate your feelings with each other. It’s the only way you’ll know what your friend is thinking/feeling.

  • Katie Stuart

    By the way, check out my blog! :)

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  • Kellie Norton

    That’s such great advice! I’ve had a few friends treat me like that in the past and some that even act like they can’t have fun without them. But i’ve realized that my true best friends are the ones that always take time out for a girls night dinner or a girls night out. Every relationship needs some space every now and then, thats when your girlfriends come in :-)

  • Stephanie McDonnell

    Yes, boys come and go. I, too, lost a great friend many years ago when she began dating a guy. I stopped speaking to her when she started seeing him. I honestly did not like the guy and couldn’t stand to be around him for more than two minutes. The things that came out of his mouth offended me at every turn. (Just one example if I may rant: It was in HS, we all planned to go to prom together. He rented a limo without saying anything and told eveyrone they needed to pitch in to cover the cost. I did not have the money, so I told them I couldn’t go with them. He told my friend she needed to tell me off for sticking them with the bill. And she did.) It was nothing to do with her, but him. A true friend will always be around, will always have your back when things get tough. Take the time to really examine your relationship with her. Is it a good relationship for you? Is she just currently caught up in the lust of a new romance? We’re girls, we get distracted and swept away easily. If it’s the kind of relationship you want, then let her be happy for the time being, and as Lauren said, letting her know you still want to hang. If the relationship blows up at some point, be there for her.

  • V

    Well I’ve gone through this many times. But me being the one with the boyfriend. My best friend would tell me every time to spend more time with her and that would piss me off because I was starting a relationship and couldn’t believe she was not sharing my happines with me.. she was just jealous. Then she started a relationship and did the same exact thing i did but I didn’t complain, I would listen to every story she had to tell about her boyfriend and stuff. So why if I was so happy for her and her new boyfriend, why would she be so annoying when I had a boyfriend? When I had a new bf she was mad and when she had a new bf I was happy… why? Long story short I told her that she would be my friend no matter what. Friends stick together in the good moments and in the bad ones. And I told her to be patient for the first months of my relationship because I was spending too much time with him to get to know him better. But that if she needed me I was gonna be there. Maybe I was not gonna be there to watch a movie, to get together to go shopping, no but in important moments I would, like I’ve always been. She relaxed but some times she is still so demanding that annoys me so much that I don’t even wanna see her. That attitude makes me wanna avoid her (which I don’t do) so I think the important thing is to find a balance between being patient with your friend with new boyfriend and her paying more attention to what her friend needs.

  • Dy Shiny

    I’m in the same situation of the anonymous…. :(

  • Deek Labelle

    Been there! My roommate and best friend was single for 6 years and then started dating a guy. Our whole friend dynamic changed and we couldn’t find any common ground anymore. It was like I was dating both her and her bf because they were always at our place. And I was single, which seemed to make things worse. After several months, we decided it would be best for our friendship to move out, and live on our own. We’ve spent the last year renewing our friendship whenever possible.

    We all go through hard times, but your friends know you best, so TALK TO THEM! Tell them how you’re feeling and make sure you don’t assume anything. At the beginning of a relationship, it’s always difficult to balance friends and guy time. Try suggesting Ladies’ Night’s once a month, where you can have exclusive BFF time! It’ll relieve some of the pressure off both you and your friend.

  • Jenna West

    This is great advice, I’ve been on both sides and I totally agree with your reasoning. Cheers Lauren!

  • Ana Castilho

    Adored your advice!

  • Lauren Conrad

    If you guys need any advice on anything, make sure you leave your questions here in the comment sections :-)

  • Karleigh Sergio

    I think this will pass over. I have had experience on both ends. When I was with my ex it was all about him but once it was over I realized how dumb I was to not hang out with my friends.

    When your friend needs a friend she will come to you. You will always ber her friend and you will never be replaced!

    I think also when your with your bf for a long period of time (years) your able to have your time apart (girl time/guy time). It creates a healthy relationship where people arent ignored and smuthered!

  • Martin M

    For me a freindship always comes first! Theres now way. I would talk to my freind and talk about the issue. Think that a real friend will understand that :)

  • Sarah Buckley

    Hey Lauren! I have a question for you…

    I’ve been single for quite awhile now, but lately I’ve been feeling a lot of pressure from my family and friends to date and get a boyfriend. At first I was defensive, because with my busy schedule I honestly don’t have time to date. But now I’m falling into that trap of loneliness and actually want a relationship! But I feel like even when I do have time, I’m exhausted and use that time to catch up on sleep, projects, or meet up with friends I never see. When a guy is interested in me I’m constantly blowing him off. How do you balance your busy schedule and dating?

    Thanks and love your advice!


    seriously busy girl Sarah :)

  • Liz

    Great advice Lauren!

    I have seen this issue time and again with my friends! You know who your true friends are because they find time for you and their bf or include you without making it uncomfortable! It takes time to learn to balance everyone. Some people realize that it makes a relationship better and others end up losing friends. Unfortunately it is the cycle of life. Just try and enjoy life!

  • Agata Kalinowska

    Actually I am in this situation now, but it’s a little more compilcated…They are BOTH my very good friends and they got together, they seem really happy, but i know both of them well, and I know this won’t last, he will suffer, she will get over it in a week, but now they are planning a wedding, buying cat together and choosing paint color (they are 18, did i mention?). We don’t spend any more time together, we don’t talk, and I think she just got bored with me after I helped her to get through the break-up and now she is best friends with my other good friend and he, who needed me to talk to when his life was a mess, now is deeply in love and haven’t talked to me since two months or more. Yay.

  • Tiffani Stuart

    I get it! When you’re newly in love, you want to spend every waking minute w/your boyfriend… and you want to spend every waking minute with your friends talking about your boyfriend. But being “”that friend”” who has to listen to it, at times (if your girl doesn’t have herself in check) it gets annoying real fast! I think the “”talking about him”” non-stop contributes greatly to the feeling of abandonment by your friend. It’s not that physical time has been cut short between you and your bestie- it’s also the fact that the time you do spend with them is spent discussing & analyzing her boyfriend. Those are the greatest factors that create the distance, I feel. I think as time goes on & people get older we learn that life is more fulfilling in the balance. Guys like a little mystery– so being “”unavailable”” at times, becomes part of your charm and mystique. Those are the thing that help them believe that you are independent, not needy, and that they are an addition to your life, and not your entire life. Those are the types of things that help make relationships more stable & last longer.

  • Amenah Hussein

    My question is how would it feel to have to choose him over her, I do so loose my best friend for the guy then lost the guy too :( who would havE known forever is too much.

  • Lisa Berry

    I have trouble trusting people. I was really good friends with this girl, but she ended up saying really horrible things about me behind my back. Then I became firends with these other girls and then they bullied me. Now my best friend of 10 years has replaced me with someone else which she has done before. So whenever anyone gets close to me now I push them away because I feel i cant trust anyone.

  • Julie Grassey

    this is such a tough situation– but I think you answered it perfectly, Lauren! My best friend and her boyfriend (who I felt I had lost her to) just went through a bad breakup. When this happens, all a girl needs is her friends to be there for her and give her lots of hugs and ice cream! I think you need to stay in her life for times like these, even if in the meantime you feel she is too wrapped up in her boyfriend. She will do the same for you in return when you are in a relationship/going through a breakup.

  • Melissa Panici

    Excellent advice on here:)

  • Tiffani Stuart

    @ Julie Grassey– I agree, but just take care not to become “”Break-up Buddies””… Friends where the only thing you have in common are break ups. You want your friendships (as well as your relationships) to be complete & not lose momentum when your life is in the Peaks or the Valleys, you know? People should learn what it means to value the entire person– not just use the for when they fit your needs. Knowing this is how I have lasting friendships, and how I know when not to attach myself to certain types of people.

  • Diamenrose

    I’m with you Lauren. I think on some way we all have experienced how a friend ( a close or just a friend) sailed slowly away from us after a boyfriend. However at the end you get your friend back or in bad cases not. On my opinion if it’s a good friend with the time she will realise that she didn’t treat you well. And in the future she may consider that she hasn’t got just a boyfriend she has also a caring friend.At the moment she may be in a ‘love phase’. If things doens’t change between you and her you should talk to her

    Bad friends are those who do their mistake over and over again ( forgetting their friends as soon as they have a new boyfriend). IN such kind of cases i would also talk to your friend. If nothing changes i would try to accept the truth.And try to forget about the friendship how harsh and sad it is.

    Good friends always last. But boyfriends ‘can’ last.

  • Tiffani Stuart

    One thing is for certain– This whole dilemma is a part of growing up. And I don’t know how many of you are at “”marrying age””– but at times, it gets worse. Not only do you have to worry about them ditching you for their man all the time– they become obsessed w/their marriages/husbands & Kids… Then the only time you can hang out is when you have the whole entourage w/you or a date… Far and few are the friends who’s husbands appreciate when you go out for a “”Ladies’ Night””. Word of advice: APPRECIATE THOSE HUSBANDS!! LOL They’ll be your best friend, when it comes to maintaining a healthy friendship w/your girls (who are now their wives, fiancees, baby mamas, etc) !

  • Melissa Panici

    @Diamenrose LOVE the quote:) It’s very true.

  • Sboz

    Great advice Lauren! Young women should definitely not jump into serious relationships at a young age. I lost someone I thought was my best friend when I met my boyfriend. Even though I still spent most of time with “”Lisa”” (we also worked together on a daily basis) she never accepted my relationship. It was definitely not jealously because she was engaged! I started to think that maybe “”Lisa”” liked it when I wasn’t happy. I didn’t want to believe that but than I started to notice other things like the fact that she never supported my choices. When my boyfriend eventually became my fiancee she didn’t say she never once said she was happy for me. Long story short I didn’t leave “”Lisa’s”” life she left mine.

    My point is that not every friend is a forever friend and sometimes it can be a blessing when they leave your life. Chose the company you keep carefully and always remember friendship is a two way street. A real friend may not like your choices but she will support them if they make you happy.

  • Maria Rosa Herrera

    i used to have a best friend i spent most of my time at her home she always called me and i was there for her then she met a guy and i totally understood she even used my name saying that we went out to any place like a screen (for her mom not to know, we werent kids, we were adults but here in Peru parents are totally conservative) then she started to work and i did as well i even rent a place for myself alone and i told her but she wasnt sure :( we even planned that when we were teenagers …i invited her to come over to my place but she never was available …. later i met a guy and he is fantastic i love him pretty much i used to spend all my weekends with him then she was like mad or something cuz then when she wanted to go out i wasnt available like she wanted me to but i thought bout it….did i do something wrong? i mean i was always up to but she blew me off most of the time….we never talked bout it , and i missed her so much …. Nowadays we talk but not as we used to …

  • Taylor Bonar

    This is great advice! I have been in this situation before and while my best friend and I did go on a “”friendship hiatus”” eventually our friendship resumed when she realized that I was not going anywhere. I will be a friend through good times and bad! If time is what is needed, to get through the so new, so into you phase of a friends relationship, time shouldl be given! When it’s all said and done the friend is going to want to share all these great things with you am have you be a part of the growing process!

  • Liesl

    It’s all about having the perfect balance between your friends and your man, girls. There’s a time and a place for both of them. Be considerate and be the best girlfriend, and best friend you can possibly be.

    Liesl xxx

  • Sol Sol

    hi girls!!! the best thing to do is to be in the middle!!! not 100% for boyfriend and not 100% for the girls!!! my first real boyfriend was very close!! and made me get distant with my friends for over 2 years!! when i finally broke up, i realized how important friends were!!! now i

  • Emilie

    A really terrible situation/ been there done that / dont wish it on anyone :(

    xo Emilie

    PS please visit my latest blog post @

  • Emilie Friis

    neeeej? omvendt????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

  • Emilie Friis

    neeeej? omvendt????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

  • Melissa Panici

    Question for Lauren: One of my dear friends was diagnosed with cancer a few years ago. I met her at Lowes when I worked there and we started hanging out and a couple of years after we became friends, that’s when she was diagnosed. I tried to be there for her but she pushed a lot of friends away becuase she was afraid of getting too close in case she passed away. Last time I saw her, we went out to eat with another friend of ours and had a great time. She said she was doing better. Well a month went by and I hadn’t talked to her in a while because my life got a little busy and crazy. (no excuse for not talking to a friend in a month) Well I received a text from one of her friends saying she passed away. Well the friend we had dinner with the last time I saw her, stopped talking to me. I told her I felt bad for not being in touch with Mary for a month before she passed. I’m thinking this made her mad because she hasn’t talked to me since. I feel like I was a bad friend for not being there for her when she went down hill because I was “”busy””. How do I deal with this? I miss her terribly and want her to know that I always thought and worried about her and loved her dearly. Now it’s too late to tell her that. Thanks for caring Lauren:)

  • Silvia Briceno vesga



  • Katjusha Bricman

    Reply for Melissa Panici:

    Hey Melissa,
    I saw your question for Laurent about your friend who passed away…
    I just wanted to say that past is past, you can’t change anything. Don’t feel bad, because the more you will, the more you will neglect your family and friends you have now!

    My father is in hospital now, rare sort of cancer… Klatskin tumor and there’s a big chance he won’t make it.
    I myself have problems with health too and at this point I realize who my TRUE friends are and I try to stick with them. I don’t blame those that are not here for me! I mean, I do feel angry sometimes, but they probably have their own problems and don’t want to or simply don’t have enough strenght to be here for me. I try to understand that.

    What I want to say is… you are there now, surrounded with people you care about and who care about you. Let them know that. The most important thing is – be true to yourself and look after you first! When you can, share yourself with those you feel you can, let them know how much they mean to you.

    Wish you all the best!
    Hugs from Slovenija!

  • Hatice O.


    my boyfriend (when I have one :p) will get more attention from me, then my friends get,

    because its different, you cant compare them with eachother..

    the love for a guy is incredible.

    I wouldnt choose between them, but I would see my boyfriend more often than my friends..

  • Claire Coppersmith

    I am getting close to picking a college and deciding what I want to do with my life. I am having a hard time because I really like fashion, but I know that it is a hard business to get into and I’m not sure if I have the talent to make a career out of it, even though I would love to. My other, more reasonable choice, is to go into engineering. I know that it would be more a stable career and that it would be easier to get into because people want women engineers. I was thinking about maybe minoring in something to do with fashion, but if I want to make a career out of fashion, I don’t think a minor would be enough. Do you have any advice on how to decide? Thanks!

  • allet Brouwer


    i really like the dresses you wear, but i can’t seem to figure out what dress you wore when you went and met Amy Astly (when you were still filming for the hills) and the dress you wore to the show with Regis & Kelly on 10/11/2010


  • Linh Ly

    That is great advice Lauren! Currently my bff has been dating her new bf for 5 months and she says she is so in love already and has spent every second with him pretty much and doesn’t hang out w/ any of her other friends. I’ve decided to just give her time to do what she wants b/c if it’s real love it’ll last and she’ll eventually see that in a healthy relationship you need time to yourself and time for your friends too.

  • Amber Gonzaga

    Hey Lauren!

    So im graduating from high school in june, and i want your advice on what i should wear? Should I wear a red strapless dress with black wedges? Or totally go modest with a classy look?

  • lelia


    So…i have to ask….what do you do when you realise that you are in love with your bestfriend who also happens to be a supercute boy…????i miss him so much…we were so close back at school but now that we live in different areas i don’t get to see him that often…and i realised that i’m in love with him!!what should i do…tell him the truth and risk loosing a friend(very important these days…)or shut up and go on as friends????i don’t know what to do…thanks anyway Lauren!!!!

  • Nadine Mazin

    Hi Lauren ….I’m new here but I’m so happy 2 Followed….ok I wanna ask if u have some styles 4 short hair cauese my hair is short & it’s suitable 4 my face I don’t want long hair …. my hair’s color like ur hair & it’s between curly & wave ….so plz give me ur advises

  • Liz

    Hi Lauren,

    I think appearances are important, particularly when it comes to dressing well. I wanted to ask–I am a broke college student and I cannot afford to be buying the latest trendy clothing or super cute blouses. Do you think there are a few key fashion staples I should definitely invest on? Also, what do think is a good way to dress for making a casual, cute, and clean everyday look? Accessories? Thanks!

  • Rosie Lewis

    Hey Lauren!!

    What do you think about highlights?? Any tips ?
    Thanks! :)

  • Taylor Raybern

    Hey Lauren!

    I am currently in college and have realized bleaching my hair isnt as cool as i thought it was in high school. Now, i am realizing that the bright blonde hair just washes my skin tone out! Since i have seen your hair transform for the better over the years, what is your advice on picking the perfect hair color for your skin tone?

    thank you(:


    hi, Lauren! i love fashion and clothing, i help my friends what to wear and what works for hem but i don’t know what works for me. do you have any tips on how to find out what pieces of clothing work for me?

  • Annie

    It is possible to MAKE TIME FOR BOTH. I’ve known people that DROP everything for their boyfriend, friends.. family etc. When the relationship ends, they realize there is no one to go back to. Its a fine balance, and as much as you want to make your boyfriend the center or your world, it’s not healthy.

  • Shelby Chase

    I agree with Lauren. I also have been on both sides. It IS possible to balance both, but that is something that comes with age. I am much better now at balancing both my best girlfriends and my boyfriend than I was when I was in high school and early college.

    If nothing changes after a month or two, I would let your friend know how you feel. At least then she will know and you know you did everything you could. But if she truly is your best friend, let her enjoy this time as one day you will want it in return. I hope it works out for you :)

  • Chastity Martin

    I actually had the opposite happen. Everything was fine and dandy when we were both commiserating about “”not having anyone””, not being able to afford living on our own, etc… Once I got into a relationship and got my own place, jealousy took over and tho I tried to invite her over, I even offered a place to stay so she would’nt have to pay for a hotel, she made excuses and said “”it was my fault””

  • Tola o.

    It doesn’t have to be one or the other. You should make time for your boyfriend AND your friends. I had a friend ditch me for her boyfriend in the past and while it hurt, it also taught me an important lesson—if someone truly values your presence in their life, they will make time for you.

    My advice to someone going through this situation is to talk to your friend about your feelings. She may not know you feel that way. If that doesn’t help, then you may have to cut your losses. It probably sounds harsh, but a real friend wouldn’t just ditch you because someone new comes into her life.

  • Molly K

    I’m talking to this guy and I really like him. I know he likes me a lot because I actually liked this other guy at one point while he liked me and I was with this other guy for a while. This current guy liked me the entire time I was the other guy. We’re now together and my feelings have grown for him. He doesn’t show as much affection as I’d like. He does when it’s just us, but around our friends he doesn’t. He isn’t even that affectionate over a text either. Is that just a guy thing that he isn’t affectionate around our friends or over a text?

  • Raven Locks

    This is such perfect advice. I’ve been on both sides too. Sometimes friends just grow apart and the new boyfriend is just the catalyst for the end of a friendship.

    xo Azu

  • Becca schroeder

    That’s never a great sign, but some guys are like that. Maybe he feels that his friends will tease him. A lot of girls hate this (I know I would !), but..well maybe it’s just a guy thing?

  • jw

    My best friend and I have been inseparable since we were 4 years old. At 16 we both had our first real relationship and neither of us liked the other ones boyfriend. For about a year we didn’t speak, fell into different friendship groups, found new ‘best friends’ and went through those relationships. But when both relationships fell apart, it was each other we went to for support. And now at 22, she’s just been my head bridesmaid at my wedding and those other ‘best friends’ I had are no where to be seen. and even though we don’t see each other a lot, she will always be my best friend.

    True friends will always be there for each other.
    Sometimes a little bit of distance will make you appreciate those true friends.

  • nicole ho

    Hi Lauren,
    my best friend and i met in the ninth grade, as well as another girl we will call “”A”” the three of us have been best friends for about two years. i was always closer to my friend more than i was with “”A””. A always did things to annoy me like make up stories, take credit, lie, and just be a really bad person. finally, for some stupid reason (i couldn’t go to an event for family reasons, but she thought we were family and i bailed on her so she never forgave me) so then she just cut me out of her life and said she “”needed space”” but during that point, she started talking bad about me. when being confronted, she denied it all, and lied. she even stated she didn’t have reasons why she was mad at me. after that i just cut her out of my life for good, and even thought i run into her, it is awkward, but better than acting like nothing happened. my bestfriend who is in the middle, is closer to me. we do hang out, and when A comes around, i just stay quiet to let them talk, since i dont want it to seem like im taking her away. but the problem is, my bestfriend seems to be trying to make everything fine, which is good? but when im in the middle of a conversation with her, she cuts off to say hi, or talk to A. i ask her to go to a school club meeting, but she ends up sitting with A when i ask her to come. i understand that she is in the middle, and i never brought it up because i know how hard it is for her, and i didn’t want this to ruin out relationship (me,her and A) thats why i never confronted her, but A decided to cut me out, so now i’m kind of fed up with being so understanding and nice about everything. what should i do?

  • Madison

    I’m a huge fan of yours and have been for years! I’m 21 years old. I wanted to ask your advice on how to handle people who bring you down. I’ve been dealing with people lately who seem to focus on spreading negativity about me. I would love to know your advice about how to deal with it.

  • Alyse

    I had a best friend that I was super close with, we would text each other daily or talked on the phone. I know we loved each other to bits. 2 months ago, she met a guy and I was ecstatic for her, wanting to be filled up with details. When I finally met the guy, we were off to a bad start. My friend being the sweetest thing I always know her to be, gave me a lot of attention so that I will not feel left out but that touched a raw nerve with her boyfriend. He hated me after that. He told my friend to leave me. And much to my surprise and disappointment, my friend listened to him, called me up to tell me she doesn’t want to be close to me again. She started digging up our past conflicts that was discussed and settled to validate why she’s leaving me. I’m totally heartbroken.

  • Andres Adame

    I recently went through something as you and (She who has not to be named). lol well Im a guy and even with us guys we can get very catty too. Well my friend and I had been roommate’s for quite some time around 3rys and we were very much trouble together and since we were both guys we both defended each other. We never perused any of the guys either one was interested in. Well 4months ago everything was going great until my friend started dated this guy and well we never had any problems until this guy decided to get in the way. He started to persuade my friend of moving in with us I was in total shock when my friend asked me. So for a whole month my friend kept asking and me being the good friend I let him. Then are lease was going to be up so all three of us where looking for places well they got a place and I let my friend know that he chose and that it hurt my feeling he didn’t see that and when I confronted him he just threw the past back up. I tolled him I will be there when he strews you over and the guy is so controlling we cant even go out anymore. so I said to my friend I cant have a half friend. but we are still trying to work things but your right we must let them learn on there own.

  • Lauren H

    This is actually happening to me right now. I don’t believe in dropping your friends for your boyfriend, even if it’s in the beginning of a relationship. It is possible to make time with both your friends and your boyfriend IF YOU REALLY WANT TO. If someone really values you as part of their life, they will put in the effort to include you. When I had my first boyfriend, I made sure to spend equal time with him and my friends. Things worked out fine because no one felt left out or underappreciated.

    • Rita_F

      same here :( it’s happening to me too…my friend ignores me and is with her boyfriend all the time. They have been dating for 3 months and she wants to move in with him already…We used to be so damn close and now she doesn’t even text me asking how I’m doing.

  • Dana

    Um, no. I totally disagree. If my friends hate the fact that I want to spend the only free time I have out of my busy life with my boyfriend, instead of going shopping with them, then that’s their problem. If they can’t accept me for being an introvert and only wanting to cuddle up with my boyfriend, then I’m not wasting my breath on any of them. In fact, I have lost more friends than I have boyfriends over the years, and I would certainty choose my boyfriend over them any day. Friends come and go more often than guys do. That, and said boyfriend could end up being your husband and will most likely still be there for you while your friends leave.

  • nina blue

    you know some inside and out but when one cute guy comes along , you magically disappear but when they have heartbreaks and issues they remember you exist

  • lucilu

    i have had the same best friend since i was tiny she is beutiful and funny and can get any boyfriend but now she is with someone and has fallen out with me says i need to grow up n really doesnt care about me she said we both need to go different ways but i feel like even if i met my boyfriend i wunt forget about her i dont no what to do

  • Jessica

    I have been on both sides as well. I met my now finance, 4 years ago while away at school. We had a long distant relationship, so when I came home for the summer we naturally wanted to spend more time together, before I went away again. That summer, I spent less time with friends, but still managed to balance my time, even went on a week long trip with my girl friends. While on the trip, my friends gave me lectures to not get too serious with this guy because he doesnt have a degree, and “I deserve someone who can take care of me.” They all thought he was a great guy, however. I shrugged it off. When summer ended, I moved back to school, back to living with my best friend. That semester, I had less free time, I got more serious in my studies, going over full time and joining clubs, so I didn’t party and hang with friends as much. I went home on the weekends alot too, to see my boyfriend and get school work done. My friends all “boycotted” my behavior. I still hung out with them, but it become less as my friends fed me with rude comments and acted distant. My friends wouldn’t hang out whenever my boyfriend was coming too, just bc “he wasn’t good enough for me”. Once the semester ended before Christmas, I was busy doing family holiday parties and moving my stuff back home, and not even a month later my best friend/old roommate writes on Facebook how it sucks to lose a best friend to her boyfriend, and all my friends commented. She never even talked to me about it. Now I’m not friends with a lot of them anymore. Do you think this was the right choice? I do miss them, but I felt like it was a constant tug-a-war and even if I tried to hang with friends, I still lost.

  • prudence

    Dana, no wonder you have lost lots of friends. What a crappy way to treat people who were In your life before a bloke came along. I find behaviour like yours needy and clingy. My best mate doesn’t make time for me anymore or for anyone else for that matter now her man has moved in. She’ll make all the time in the world for him, but not friends. I find it appalling for all that me and her other friends have done for her when she lived on her own. It’s, for some, needy insecure behaviour. And no your friends will always be there longer than a man will. Shocking way to treat anyone!



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