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How can I stop being jealous of his exes?

How can I stop being jealous of his exes?

Started by Brittany Kilpatrick on November 1, 2012

12 Comments

Brittany Kilpatrick said #1 Nov 1, 2012 at 11:20pm

My bf and I are six years apart and I constantly find myself thinking about and being jealous of his exes.

Owyelle said #2 Nov 2, 2012 at 12:20am

They're his exes for a reason and that's the past.
You're worrying yourself too much about the past when you should be focusing on the present.

The question is, why are you jealous? What's there to be jealous about?

Hanny R said #3 Nov 2, 2012 at 7:30am

Dear Brittany,

Owyelle says it well, why are you jealous? Is there a reason you feel frightened by them? Have they done something to you? Try to just focus that the fact your boyfriend loves you and picked you and they are the past.

taiwanesebarbie said #4 Nov 2, 2012 at 12:06pm

Brittany,
You should definitely not be jealous of your boyfriend's exes, they should be jealous of you! He's with you and not them any longer. Like Owyelle and Hanny R. said that was the future and this is now. If you continue to be jealous, it could potentially ruin the relationship you have with your boyfriend now and that's something you definitely don't want to happen. So, my advice to you is to stay focused on right now and the love you both have together, when you start to have those jealous feelings, just remind yourself by saying, Why am I having these feelings, when I know that he loves me and is with me.

Kate Noto said #5 Nov 8, 2012 at 1:00pm

I think you should talk to him about how you feel. My boyfriend and I are trying to get my ex to back off. I love the man I'm with and that is all that matters to me and him.

Brittany Kilpatrick said #6 Nov 8, 2012 at 10:34pm

I worry that I will never have what they had with...that what me and him will never be good enough. He dated the one girl for four years I can't beat that. I just feel like I am in a competition that I am going to lose.

Brittany Kilpatrick said #7 Nov 8, 2012 at 10:39pm

I have talked to him about it, but after a while he doesn't know what to say. I mean I know he loves me, but because of stuff he has been through in his life he doesn't express it in the way I wish he would. He has had a rough life and has turned off voicing his feelings quite a bit. I feel like if he doesn't say his feelings then they must not be that strong.

Morgan Pantana said #8 Nov 8, 2012 at 10:48pm

The way I've moved past it is this: Exes are exes for a reason. Focus on what you have with him now and be happy that he is making the choice to be with YOU. Not them. Is this relationship something you want to sacrifice because you're so busy ruining it with worry and fear? It probably isn't. There's no trick to moving past it, you just have to make the decision to do it.

Nathalia said #9 Nov 9, 2012 at 12:32am

If your problem is that your boyfriend just doesn't express his love for you enough for you to feel secure in the relationship, you should really know that men generally do not express their feelings as much as women do. Women always have heartfelt conversations, but I find that men are more expressive in actions. So if you want to know if he really loves you, you have to see what he does, not what he says. He is with you, he does not meet his ex, he broke up with her, he cuddles you, he spends a lot of time with you, he carries your stuff for you, he goes out of his way to help you with stuff: Actions that say he loves you!

Brittany Kilpatrick said #10 Nov 9, 2012 at 8:59am

Yeah you are all right. Heck he gets frustrated if I Don't cuddle with him. My parents,family and friends all say that they can tell that he loves me. Even strangers have told me they can tell. I just worry the relationship I have with is not as special in comparison to his past relationships. LikeI feel like it has to be lacking something.I ask him about it and he tries to reassure me that he is happy,but deep down I feel that those girls gave him something I can't or cant give as well.

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