Ladylike Laws: To Hug or Not to Hug?
While hellos and handshakes used to be the way to greet and goodbye, hugs have become the new norm in recent years. I think it's interesting because, to me, hugs signify affection, not "hello." I hug close friends and family, but nowadays that's not enough. After researching the topic of "hugging" for this blog, I learned quite a few unwritten rules about hugging etiquette. Here's what I learned:
When it comes to good friends... If you are good friends and haven't seen each other in while: hug. The same goes for saying goodbye. If you are not going to see the friend for a long time, give them a hug. If you see one another regularly, hello and goodbye will suffice.
When it comes to acquaintances... A simple hello or handshake will do. However, if you spend an extended period of time with an acquaintance, it makes sense to depart with a hug.
When it comes to greeting a big group... If you arrive somewhere to find a big group of friends and acquaintances, shake the hands of those you are just meeting and hug your friends.
When you are in a professional setting... It's best to err on the safe side and not hug unless you are at an after-hours function or holiday party and the occasion seems appropriate. Regardless, it's always best to ask when you find yourself in a work-related setting.
When you are the host of a party... It's generally expected that you hug friends upon arrival and departure and greet new faces with a kind and inviting handshake.
General Rules of Hugging
- Never assume.
- Take a cue from body language.
- Consider the setting and the frequency.
- Be considerate of other peoples' boundaries.
- Types of Hugs: For family and close friends, two arm hugs are fine. For everyone else, it's best to give a one-arm hug. Be careful not to linger with one-arm hugs–2 to 3 seconds is perfect.
Have you had an awkward hugging moment before? Tell me about it in the comments below...
XO Lauren
P.S. Going on a first date soon? Click here for my full breakdown on the dos and don'ts of first date etiquette!
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Photo: Flickr
56 comments
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The one arm hug when the person is hugging you but doesn't say a word & keeps talking with their friends... rude -
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Walking around and someone calms up from behind you and gives you the awkwardest hug ever in from if everyone.... -
I love this! I never thought there was etiquette for hugging, although I would always be confused as to whether it was appropriate to hug someone or not. I'm saving this for future reference :)
http://www.thesassylife.com -
I think you know. It's a general feeling of comfort for me. If I have a close relationship with the person, I will hug them, if Im just meeting them, I say hello, nice to meet you, and if its work related, I keep it professional, unless im close friends with certain colleagues, then a hug is acceptable.
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lol... Yes, with my partner's mother!
My boyfriend and I had been together over a year and we don't get to see his family too often because we live all the way across the country from them. At Thanksgiving last year we went over there and I hugged his immediate family members, including his grandparents. Afterwards, his mother, very bluntly told me that I don't NEED to hug anyone because they don't in his family(in my family it is considered rude not to). From then on it was super awkward doing the hellos with the family because I thought I had completely crossed the family etiquette line. I later found out that his grandmother just loved that I gave hugs when I showed up and always looked forward to seeing me!
I guess it really depends on the people! -
I took a nice gal on a date and she didn't give me a hug at the end of the date. I felt if I tried to reach over to hug her it would have been awkward since her body language was her leaning towards exiting the car. Hope I did the right thing by not forcing it.
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It's always very awkward when you are hugging someone you've just met- so I think this article is perfect. It describe each type of hug and everything! -
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An awkward moment for me is when I think someone is going to hug so i just turn my head to lean for the hug but then the other person is thinking the same so we just bump heads and no use of hands its happen twice to me!! lol O___o
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Hi Lauren, this is such a great article!..
I really love hugging people especially my firends and relatives, and to those who I haven't seen for a while.
But sometimes, there are just people who are confident enough to hug me and yet they are quite stinky hahaha That's really one of the awkward moment because of course you don't want to turn them down :D
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I actually work for a church organization and it is part of the culture to hug people EVERY time you see them. Now, I am not always comfortable with this, especially with the dudes. So, I started my own form of greeting people to avoid the often dreaded hug. When I see someone I know (but not a close friend), I waive almost profusely while gigving a big smile - still awkward but less awkward than a hug. And I either give high fives to the dudes, pats on the shoulders or a quick handshake for older gentlemen. This is the best I have come up with so far. LOL
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Thank you for writing about this! I am a bit naive when it comes to ettiquette in any situation, really. Articles like this REALLY help me out as I am trying to break into the fashion world!
I am a server and one of my teachers for the current semester came to the restaurant I work with a large group of friends. When they were finishing up, she came over and said "Working hard, I see?!" and gave me a reassuring smile. My first instinct was to give her hug and say hello, so I did in an excited manner. I remember thinking later that I hope I didn't make her feel uncomfortable by doing so. Also keep in mind, this is the south and we all love huggin' down here! ;)
Now that I have read your article and also I am paving a career path for myself, I will be much more conscientious when it comes to my actions. Next thing up, words and conversation!
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In France we kiss each other on each cheek when it comes to friends, family, and even friends of friends or people we only know a bit. If it is professional, we use a handshake :) i think it is much less awkward than hugging a friend and then giving a handshake to the person standing next ahah
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Love all of your funny stories! I have too many awkward moments to name :-) Hope you guys enjoyed this post!
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In my country we all hug and kiss... hugs are more between friends tho. But we kiss each other in the cheek with everyone. :)
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That moment when you're a Freshman in highschool & the cutest junior walks up to you and is talking with you and your group, leaves, comes back to give you a hug and you are so awe struck that you stand there not even moving your arms all the way. LC, I could use alot of help from you.
XOXO, Kendall Phelps <3
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I have a friend who always hugs way too long. It's awkward when you pull away because this person never let's go. It's funny at times when I think about it, but honestly it's just NOT ok. Should I tell this person? I'm sure that this person does this with everyone she knows. Other people have also commented on how this person holds on too long. Should I just let it go??
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Hugs used to be a really awkward thing for me. I come from a family of people who aren't very affectionate in that way.
The most awkward hug ever was from a guy who I thought had a crush on me...I didn't feel the same. Then one time I was departing from a party and went around giving my goodbyes with hugs and such. It came time for his and I went for the one handed hug. The only problem was that when I went to let go he still held on and proceeded to say "I'm not done yet..."
UH SUPER AWKWARD.
So i gave one of those awkward pats on the back and left quickly after that... who does that?
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well, i live in argentina and our hellos and goobyes always include a kiss on the cheek, even when you're just meeting someone new. that's something we got from our italian and spanish roots but it's not always good. honestly, i don't personally enjoy kissing people i have never seen before. it has been changing a little bit lately and now a simple hello does well, though still you maybe considered a little conceited or rude. around our culture, hugs are only for those you love and for those you love and haven't seen in a while.
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Just recently, I went to Japan. I was staying with a host family as it was for school. When I met my host student I was really nervous and she opened up her arms as to hug me. I'm not really a hugger so it was like I crash tackled her!
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I think some people are waayyyy too hug-y and I'm relieved I'm not the only one! A guy I went out with on a blind date started to hug me as an introduction instead of a handshake and it totally weirded me out! First time meeting someone it's not appropriate, unless he's male model gorgeous and super nice I dont want some strange guy hugging me!
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I have had a few awkward hugs, the most awkward was a christmas dinner for work. The first one we ever had after working there for 4 years it was not something i was accostumed to. Well my managers make it a point to say there should be a clear zone between them and us ( sales floor) like not facebook friends or after work hang outs. Seems reasonable, so of course I am going off the fact that these people are non huggables . Then it happend I went over to say hi then she went for the hug.. it just felt awkward and forced and extremely unnecessary. haha but it awkwardness was over withen a few mintues after the incident.
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I'm not a hugging fan, don't enjoy it when you get those people you aren't too close with draping their heavy arm over you. A "hello" is much better.
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You have no idea how many times I overthink this situation!! Haha so glad you posted this =]
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