
Welcome to my very first Ladylike Laws post! Today I'll be talking about the do's and don'ts of first date etiquette. I think it's safe to say first dates are amongst the most nerve-wracking of social encounters. Everything about a first date is indefinite. The margin for inevitable awkward moments is gaping. To prevent faulty moves on your part, you need to know how to play the first date game. A true lady can navigate even the worst of dates with ease and finesse by knowing what is and isn't kosher. When you know how to play the game, you'll be that much more confident and prepared for the unknown. You won't have to second-guess what to do when the bill comes. And you won't make yourself look bad by picking the wrong restaurant.
This is where I come in. I've put together the basic tenants of first date etiquette for you to keep in your back pocket. Remember these. They will make your next romantic rendezvous seem easy breezy! Here's what you need to know:
Picking the venue. If you are given the task of selecting a restaurant or activity, pick something that isn't too over-the-top or expensive. Opt for a something reasonably priced. When it comes to restaurants, pick a place with a wide variety of menu options. (You never know what your mystery man palate requires...he might be vegan or allergic to shellfish!)
Meeting up. Ideally, the guy should pick you up from your home and drive you to the destination of the date. However, if this is not possible, meet at the location and don't be a second late. It's also a good idea to give a confirmation call the day before the date to make sure everyone is on the same page. This way you can avoid any confusion.
At the dining table. Throughout the date, sit up straight and maintain good posture. Slouching and leaning on your elbows is considered rude and unladylike. Use your best table manners throughout the meal (I'll do a blog on restaurant dining etiquette soon!). And absolutely, positively do not look at your cellphone. It communicates boredom and disinterest.
The conversation. Ask questions about your date and listen. It's in bad taste to talk about yourself the entire time. (Remember that episode of Sex & the City when Carrie nervously blabs on about herself to Aidan throughout their entire date? Don't do that.) When in doubt, ask him a question. If you're afraid the conversation will be dull, catch up on current events and pop culture as fallback topics. A few areas of conversation to avoid include politics, religion, money, previous relationships, deep dark secrets and the economy. Most importantly, never be critical in conversation or bad mouth anyone.
Ordering. Be considerate of what you order. Just because you're on a date doesn't give you a free pass to order the most expensive thing on the menu. Instead, pick something at midrange price point. If you're still unsure, take a cue from your date: Ask him what he is ordering and pick something of equivalent or lesser value. If your date orders an appetizer or starter salad, follow suit and order something to start with as well. That way, you will be eating at the same time and can avoid the awkward "Do I dig in?" or "I don't want to sit here and watch you eat." This same rule of thumb goes for cocktails as well. If you decide to order an alcoholic drink, keep it to a minimum as they can get pricy and you definitely should not get drunk. Let your date learn about you in a sober state. Lastly, order items that are easy to eat and do not require your hands (no sandwiches, burgers, spaghetti etc.). I also suggest staying away from foods with excessive herbs and leafy greens. It's not worth risking the embarrassment living through 45 minutes of an intimate dinner with oregano lodged between your front teeth. Finally, take it easy on the garlic and onions too.
Eating. Put your knife to work! As you make your way through your meal, cut each bite into a manageable size to avoid looking like a hungry baby bird. Don't cut it up into pieces first and then eat, instead cut as you go. If you do not finish your meal, do not take it to go. Doggie bags are considered passè on a first date. (I wish I had known this when I started dating!)
Footing the bill. A gentleman should always pay the bill. It may sound old-fashioned, but it's proper etiquette. The best way to navigate the bill is to subtly offer to pay. It's important to make sure your date is aware you didn't go on the date just for a free meal. The best way to do this is to reach for your purse when the bill comes to the table. Most likely your date will tell you not to worry about it and will take care of paying. If he doesn't stop you, don't be hurt. At this point, just split the bill. It should be noted that some guys find it insulting when you offer to pay so this is definitely something you need to feel out. Personally, I suggest sticking with the "subtle offer" since it's the best way to gauge the situation.
The goodbye. Some dates go really well and the chemistry is on point, while others fail to impress. I suppose the silver lining of a bad date is that you walk away with a great story... Needless to say, for most, "the goodbye" is the most puzzling part of the entire date. By the end you should have a pretty good idea whether or not there will be another date. If you're hoping to rendezvous again, give him a warm hug, thank him for dinner and imply that you'd love to do it again soon. Save your kisses for date #2 (unless he is a cheek kisser). Otherwise, if you can't get away from him fast enough, shake his hand, thank him for dinner and leave it at that.
I hope you ladies find this helpful!
Out of curiosity, what's the worst date you've ever been on?
XO Lauren
P.S. My next Ladylike Laws post will be about restaurant etiquette. Stay tuned!
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Photos: Pinterest, No8wire
106 comments
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I had a date once with a guy who i had met a couple weeks before on New Years. We had also gone on a date right after New Years that went great. So this would be our third time hanging out, second date. He told me to come pick him up. When i got there he was pretty drunk and he revealed the place he wanted to take me was already closed for the night. So he said we would go to this bar and that they would have food. This was already starting to be 8pm and i didnt eat anything before, expecting to go out for dinner. We get there and the restaurant is closed. And he says i just have to start drinking with him now and i say i cant because i drove and i have no food in my stomach so i will be quite the light weight. He then asks me to be his girlfriend (after only knowing me for a couple weeks) i say its a little to soon for that. Then he goes into saying he was at this exact bar a couple days ago making out with another girl and that he just likes me sooo much and that is why he just needed to tell me. I drive him home and then go home myself not wanting to see this guy ever again. After not talking to him for like 4 months he started texting me and calling me repeatedly and adding/following me on Facbook and begging for me to give him another chance after i told him iv moved on and i thought he should do the same. -
The worst date I have ever been on was a few years ago with a guy I had gone on a couple dates with previously. He told me the date was a surprise, which I thought was sweet, until the surprise ended up being meeting his mom AND grandma. I had no idea if I even liked him at that point; I barely knew him! I felt so awkward the entire time and it blew my mind he didn't even think to ask me if I'd feel comfortable meeting them when we far from being in a relationship! -
This are refreshingly traditional, and very ladylike. Thanks, Lauren! :)
I have been very lucky to not have gone on very many bad dates, but I enjoy commiserating with the other ladies here. My goodness! There are some terrible ones. I hope you are all laughing about them now! -
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I once was on a date with a really nice and fun guy.. we know each other for a while, because we are actually good friends and there always seemed to be some chemistry going on between us.. So I decided to give it all a try and date him after he broke up with his long term girlfriend. We went out in a nice greek restaurant. He picked me up with his car at home, everything seemed to be like this is going to be a great night. When we reached at the restaurant there it was: the first ERROR sound in my head.. he didnt open the car for me, nor he held the restaurant door open for me, which actually was a very heavy door and I must have looked ridiculous in my highheels, trying to open the door with all my body-weight. I know its all etiquette and maybe not important for other girls, but I really like the guy to be gentlemen, at least when it comes to dates and dinner nights. Helping a lady out of her coat or open doors for her, is a really nice behaviour... Then we went inside, picked our menue and started talking.. suddenly his phone constantly showed that little "you have a new message" sign.. his ex girl constantly texted him via bbm, because she obviously knew he`s out on a date and wanted to ruin it all.. he then texted with her, like all the time.. he apologized many times to me while doing it, explaining me, that she is in a really bad state at the moment and that she`s sad and heart-broken and all.. So I smiled politely while I actually thought: WTF?! Put this f***** phone down and give me our attention!! When this whole akward message thing didnt stop I politely asked him if he wants to go home (he and his ex still lived in a same appartment at this time, because the break-up was very fresh), and look after her, hoping he would realize how rude this whole situation is and ignoring the phone finally. But no! He actually took my words as an invitation and said something like: `oh really? thanks you are so kind and warm, I think it would be really better if I go home and look after her.` So I quickly gobbled down my meal and a full glas of wine in like 5 minutes. I felt dizzy afterwards and finally lied in my bed feeling a bit drunk and unsattisfied. What a shame night! So whats the moral? Never date a guy, who just broke up with his long term relationship! -
The worst first date I've ever been on looked a little something like this...
Date comes to my college dorm to pick me up at 4:00 pm (which is a weird and, worst of all, unexpected time) and insists upon me giving him a tour of my dorm. Naturally, he ends up meeting most of my friends and has a conversation with all of them. He finally decides he's seen enough, and as we're walking out he admits that he was wasting time because it wasn't a valid enough time to go to dinner. Well thanks for showing up 2 hours early, buddy. He then insists that I drive us to the restaurant because his car has been acting up. Ok, what was the point of you driving to "pick me up" if you're gonna force me into driving? But I just maintain a smile and go with it. When we get in my car, he pulls out a mix CD that he has made (and labeled "Jenna G's Mix," mind you) and puts it in. It's full of horrible British techno music that I have never heard of, and he proceeds to belt the words and dance the whole way to the restaurant.
So we get to the restaurant and have to park a mile away because it's on a very busy street with limited parking directly in front of the restaurant, and naturally it starts pouring rain. We have to run inside, complete with wet clothes and hair that I wasted my time fixing earlier in the day. Fantastic. So we're looking over the menus, and the waiter comes to take our orders. Before I can even speak, he orders for himself AND ME without even asking my permission. And he had the nerve to order me some lame fruit and vegetable plate, while he got himself a hearty burger and sweet potato fries. Thanks, man. After he ordered, he said "Oh, I figured it would be fun to order for you, as a surprise." Well thanks, and excuse me while I go nibble on my dinner of grapes and celery. But I maintained my composure as a true lady would, and suffered through the normal get-to-know-you conversation. It wasn't terrible, but at this point I knew this prospect would never get past this date.
After dinner and dessert at the bakery down the street, it's still only about 7:00 and he doesn't wanna call it a day yet. He wants me to look up movie theater showings on my phone and read them aloud to him. So as I'm reading, he stops me when I say "Love Happens." He admits that he's a chick flick kind of guy, which really translates into his hoping the title of this Jen Aniston movie will reflect tonight's date. Fat chance. But I agree to this idea, hoping that the movie will at least be good and make up a little bit for the tragedy of this date. Well, unfortunately for me the movie was terrible. PLUS, during the movie, he asks if he can "remove the barrier between us" and lifts up the arm rest so he can put his arm around me. By the way, that is THE most uncomfortable situation because those theater seats' head rests are extremely high, so his arm was just resting heavily on my neck for the rest of the movie. Ouch.
So finally the movie is over and he admits to having shed a tear or two at the end, which I took to be sarcasm and laughed. He wasn't joking. His eyes were a little red and puffy. He was somehow MOVED TO TEARS by this terrible movie. Yikes.
So we drive back to my dorm and he insists upon walking me all the way back up there, which includes a very long sidewalk and three flights of stairs. Why, God, why? My roommate is back in the room at this point and she's watching tv in her pajamas. In bed. He sees this and even after I say goodnight to him, he still has the nerve to walk in and sit down to watch the football game on tv. My poor roommate looks horrified because she has never met this guy and she's got pj's, no make-up, and messy hair going on. 10:00pm finally approaches, and he asks me to walk him out to his car. Huh??? Strange but okay, whatever gets him to leave. At his car he goes on and on about what a great time he had and how we should do it again soon, while I avoid eye contact like the plague and just keep smiling politely. I can see that he's about to go in for the kill with a goodnight kiss (while on the inside I'm screaming and visualizing myself slapping him across the face). So I dodge it and try to swing to the side for a hug, but he ends up kissing my eye on accident. And, no joke, some of my hair gets stuck in his mouth, so when we pull apart we are still attached by like 10 strands of my hair. He laughs awkwardly, pulls the hair from his mouth, apologizes and says goodnight. Praise the Lord, he is finally gone and the worst date ever is OVER!!!
I hope some of you will get a laugh out of my horrible first date experience, because I sure did! It turns out that this guy had very little dating experience and he was 24 year old, so that definitely shed some light on the situation. Ha. :) -
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I was set up on a date years ago and he was late to pick me up, for starters. Then forgot my name TWICE! After he drank too much to drive me home I decided to call it a night. :)
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I recently went on a date at a local pub, after a while my friends appeared from nowhere, it was not going well anyway! He then as we departed said how much he like my friend, asked for her Facebook and telephone number! Left me with major insecurities for weeks! Shocking behaviour. X -
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Worst Date: The guys car broke down so I drove. He had no plans so I decided to go to a place with quick service since I already knew that the date was going to be a disaster! Add in answering his phone, rolling a cigarette, and asking for a ride to the liquor store to complete the worst first (and last) date ever! I've made a new rule since then. No matter how long it's been since my last date, I will never lower my standards that much again!
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I use to take the train to school, and I ended up always talking with this guy who had a similar schedule to me. We finally exchanged numbers one day, and he offered to take me to dinner. He was so romantic, intelligent, and funny until I figured out he was married!! Loser.
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I loved when you said to avoid looking like a hungry baby bird!! I laughed outloud! That's so funny because it's so true. :)
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Lauren,
I can not tell you how much this post helped me ! I'm sure it inspired many people keep on posting !
Thank you !
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Here's a rule of thumb ladies: If the guy doesn't pick you up, he's just not that interested. My worst date happened last football season. Here at Alabama you have football game dates. My date told me he would meet me in his fraternity section at the stadium, and for him, I made an exception for my "he must pick me up" rule. When I got there, he was sharing nachos with another girl and surrounded by three others. He saw me and tried to hide! It was humiliating! Take my advice girls, it doesn't matter whether you're old fashioned or not, the guy still must come get you. It says a lot when they take the time to see that you get to the destination safely and it reassures you that he doesn't have 4 other dates ;)
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I've had my share of bad dates. The worst one by far was about 4 years ago. First of all, I had to pick him up. I don't remember why he couldn't meet me there, but needless to say that was mistake number one! He paid for dinner, which I thought was nice enough. After, we met up with my brother and his friends for a free comedy show downtown. While waiting in line, he kept trying to hold my hand and touch me. At the show, he ordered alcohol. I didn't drink at the time and he kept pushing me to get a drink. On the drive home, he had the gall to ask me to drive to my place so we can hang out more... I was so angry with him at this point that I just took him home and later told him flat out it wouldn't work. Turns out he knew my other brother and kept calling my him trying to hook up with me. This guy was relentless. I don't know how many different ways I had to explain to him that I would not date him.
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My worst date was a couple years ago, when the guy showed up drunk and in his work uniform.... like if that wasnt bad enough he took me to applebees, which i dont mind at all but all his friends were there... it turns out he had been watching the basketball game and drinking with them since he got out of work! So we ended up sitting at the bar with all his friends. My dates brother kept hitting on me but my date was too drunk to notice... Oh but the highlight of the night was when my guy started getting into a fight with the guys next to us and we ended up getting kicked out..... and i did not know this at the beginnig but the guy had borrowed his friends car to go pick me up so he had to find a ride to go drop me off.... never again did i speak to him or answer his txt...
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Worst first date ever was several years ago, and the guy seemed like he would be nice. We had talked and met several times before he finally asked me out, so I assumed that it would go well. He did not know how to treat a lady at all! He wanted to start out the night at his place to watch a movie, and since I had known him before this, I didn't think it would be a big deal. He picked the movie, and not that it's necessarily a bad movie, it's just not first date worthy, Harold and Kumar. I had never seen it before and while trying to feel romantic and lady like, I was horrified by this choice. Next he took me to dinner at a Mexican restaurant and the food was wonderful, unfortunately, he had leaned about 2 inches from his plate and shoveled the food into his mouth. I was disgusted by the poor manners which he was displaying. Manners are very important to me and my etiquette teacher would have been horrified! He also decided that we needed to do what the restaurant called a "Mexican Bomb" which was a Corona with a shot of tequila dropped in. I don't drink that much, and when I do, I don't drink tequila. I had to keep myself from gagging or making a face as I tried to drink it with him. After that he continued to order himself drinks and get louder and more abrasive as the night continued. When we finally walked back to his apartment, on a cold Chicago night because he didn't want to get a cab, he tried to force me to make out with him on a busy street. I had had enough! Before this date, we had scheduled a time to hang out again, but after this horrible evening I called and cancelled and was harassed by him calling incessantly and insulting me, until I finally was able to block his number.
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My friend asked my to go on a date with him...it would be our first date.but we are going to a football game an not a restaurant...maybe we will do that on our second date!

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With my current boyfriend now i don't believe these things applied completely. I mean most of them, most of them always should. However we have known eachother since he was 10 and i was 8 and gone out a couple times before. During our first real date this past July we did get into some deep topics like religion because we meet at church.
My worst first date was when the guy took me to Mcdonalds and i got all dressed up becasue i thought we were going to the Olive Garden. Then he took me back to his house just because he thought I was gonna have sex with him afterwards. I only swipe the cheek with a kiss if they are lucky. i save any real kissing for the 3rd or 4th date. That boy was an idiot.
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My worst date was three years ago. The guy was not even close to intelligent (all he could talk about were movies, tv-sets and headsets), did not consider his words before he spoke them (tried to be funny and failed, said things I would never even dream of saying on a first date), and the most horrible kisser I have ever encountered (we're talking tongue EVERYwhere - YUCK!).
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Great Advice! OMG I had a horrible date last year. It was a blind date and we went to this little Italian restaurant so all of the tables were close together and there was a large table with an entire family next to us - grandparents, parents, kids from 2 - 11, etc. While we were talking and getting to know each other a bit he loudly says that he wants to start doing jobs on the side to make a lot of money and one of his ideas is to have a sex phone line and have gay men call in. I almost died!! He said it so loud that everyone heard at the next table and looked over - I have never been so embarrassed in my life! He thought it was better to say gay men bc then I wouldn't have to worry about him doing that with other women - he actually thought I would date him! After that he proceeded to say maybe he should run a porn company to make extra money b/c he wants to be a millionare by the time he's 40. I am sure my face was bright red and I couldn't wait to get out of there -- needless to say I never spoke to him again!
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