Ask Lauren: My Friends are All Engaged!
I hope everyone is enjoying my Ask Lauren series. One of my favorite things about posting these blogs is the conversation it sparks in the comments. You guys provide so many great insights and offer such great advice. It's truly heart-warming to see how this site has become such a supportive and nurturing place. I feel like that's hard to come by online. Anyway, enough of my rant... Today I'm spearheading a topic that I think many of you might be able to relate to (and if not now, perhaps in the future). This submission was sent to me via private message on my profile page so our girl will remain anonymous. Here's her question:
Two of my best friends just got engaged and my boyfriend and I of 5 years just broke up. It's such bad timing! I'm 25 years old and feel like I'm behind now that my friends are moving forward with their lives and getting married and I'm back at square one (not that my life depends on a guy or being in a relationship or anything). Now when I go out with my friends on the weekend I feel like I'm always the third wheel and I'm having a hard time meeting a guy, especially because of the fact that all of my friends are in relationships and I am pretty much the only single girl left in our group. I work crazy hours and I cannot imagine how I'll ever meet anyone at this rate.
What should I do? Not to be cheesy, but is it acceptable to join an online dating site? I just have no time...
First things first, NO—it is not cheesy to join a dating site. I have several friends who have tried them and while they aren't for everyone, sometimes they are a great way to meet someone. I don't think it's unusual to be nervous about feeling a bit behind relationship-wise when you are in your mid-twenties. One thing to keep in mind while you are attending weddings, showers and other events celebrating your friends' relationships is that these aren't things you are missing out on. They are things you have to look forward to. I was in a similar place last year. Twenty-five, newly single and helping one of my best friends plan her wedding, so I know how it can feel. It can be hard to feel like you have to start from scratch when you have invested so much time with a person, but shortly after my break up I realized something: I wasn't losing the chance to have love—I was getting the opportunity to do it all over again.
Another thing to keep in mind is that your best friends' husbands have single friends and that can be a great way to meet guys. So let your friends know that you are looking to be set up. Lastly, there is no shame in being a third wheel. Don't think of it as being the only single person in a group. Instead, think of it as having multiple wingmen (or women) with you and since they are all attached there is no competition.
What do you guys think? Sound off in the comments below.
XO Lauren
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Photo: Vogue
64 comments
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"Been there, done that." It was tough, but looking back, it was well worth the wait. I was 33 when I "found" the one I want to spend the rest of my life with. Now that obstacle's out of the way, I am feeling behind because at 36, just about everyone I know has children but myself and that is hard for me. -
Great advice! I stopped thinking that way and appreciate what I have and the freedom I have living the single life. Also its great to know you have great friends who don't leave you when they enter a relationship. That's a great love (friendship). -
It seems to me there are more single women (at 25 yrs of age) than women in relationships! It is NOT a bad thing! We are at the prime of our lives, figuring ourselves out, and when the right guy is in our life, he will add to our life (not cause doubt or drama). He will be encouraging and supportive. Until this happens, we need to learn to embrace and love our lives! Go with the flow and enjoy the present! <3 -
Someday you will know someone that will make u understand why it didn't worked whit anyone before!! -
I just broke up with my boyfriend of two years, whom I live with. I need to gracefully bow out of our shared apartment and into another but I am super anxious and financially strapped. I need some girl support!
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Your story sounds so familiar...just have to keep moving on and upward, that's what I keep telling myself. My friends also live really far from me so I always feel like I am missing out, sometimes it's okay to sit at home with some take out and watch a movie. -
I broke up with my fiance 2 years ago. We remain the best of friends. Given that Im older(41) I used to feel that time was running out. I was watching girls that I used to look after, grow up and get married, have kids etc...it was depressing. People would say "But you and so and so are so good together, you're the best of friends, why not just be together"
I came to realise that it doesnt matter who is getting engaged around me. Why would I want to be engaged because everyone else is? Of course I'd love to be engaged and planning a wedding, but Im never going to put myself in a situation if it doesnt feel right. My ex and I are so blessed that we have this close friendship(something that is very rare after a break up, even though it was a mutual decision), and we both know that had we stayed together, we probably wouldnt have what we have now.
Dont get me wrong, Im SO putting vibes out there for a great man to come into my life :-) LOL, but in the meantime, Im happy to celebrate friends, family and the love that surrounds us. -
Girl, you are still young you have plenty of time left to get married and start a life with the man of your dreams! He is out there trust me. Going through a break up can be pretty damn tough, but just let it sink in for awhile. Keep working, and keep doing what youre doing, just wait awhile for that Mr. Right he'll be to your rescue soon enough. ;) -
HI, I can definitely relate to this! I too was 25 when I split up with my boyfriend of 8 years, and we were engaged!! I felt like my whole life that I had planned out was gone and what was I supposed to do now? I was really lost and everyone I knew was getting married or having babies and things like that and I felt really left behind and didn't know what to do. In the end I just excepted it and started to focus on what I wanted to do in life and making myself happy for a change! A few months later I ended up with a great guy who I am still with and we have been together 3 years now! I still have married friends and people getting engaged and having babies but it doesn't worry me anymore, I'm happy in my relationship and I know deep down he's the one for me but I'm in no rush, it will happen when it's meant to! And a lot of my friends who did get married or have babies have now split up so marriage isn't everything! Just be grateful for what you have and things will happen naturally, just enjoy yourself while your waiting for it to happen! -
I can totally relate! Many of my friends were getting really serious with their boyfriends or engaged. I was the single, 3rd wheel and was having no luck meeting "guys". I prefer the term 'handsome gentlemen.' I decided to join an online dating site when a close friend had success with it. I was super nervous about it at first, but I have now been with my boyfriend (who I met on match.com) for nearly two years! I am 26 and he is 31. Don't worry girl, you are young and your time will come. Spend your time having fun, smiling, and being beautiful because that is when you are most attractive and more likely to meet Mr. Right! -
I've definitely had the same feelings before. I'm at that age where it seems like everyone is starting relationships and getting engaged. It can be a defeating feeling but it is definitely not the end of the world. If there is one thing I've learned, it's that everyone has different timing. Nobody's life is the same. The perfect medicine is staying positive and never shutting the door on any options. Keep an open mind. Sometimes someone finds exactly what they're looking for when they least expect it. -
gurl i know exactly what you are talking about....most of my friends are either married on dating or engaged !! ANd I am ofcourse the only one left behind... I feel so alone even though my friends have been so great to me !! I feel like I am the third wheel at any party or get together....My parents want to get me married but I just broke up w my ex like last year and we had been dating for three years...three years feels like eternity so I knw exactly how you feel...
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As a married woman, I hear it from my husband's male friends and co-workers a lot: "got any single girl friends?"
Sadly for them, my friends are either married, or in a committed relationship (one masterfully creafted by me).
:)
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Hi Lauren, you are a naturally beautiful woman who I would love to see more of on televison and magazine covers. Why don't you do your own modeling for clothes and shoes on your site.
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U will be married in 2013. 100% sure. Be ur self cuz u r the best and followed by so many good people.
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Hey Lauren big fan of your designs and props to you for making them very afforadble at Kohls..I wear your label day in and day out. just curious though on your new line you have a laced chiffon top, its long sleeve with high low cut,. but you dont have it in white, do you know when it will come out to stores. ive been checking their website for weeks now but nothing. you offer other colors except the white.
xoxo
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I am in some what of a similar situation. I think you will grow from your past relationship and the break up and end up happy and in a good relationship. I am also 25 and have been in a relationship for 8 years. Even being in this relationship, it's really difficult for me to see old classmates and friends getting engaged, married, and having kids while I'm in the same position I have been in for years. While I'm working on my career and wanting to get engaged, he seems to be comfortable keeping things the way they are now. Even though I love him very much, I sometimes wonder if we should go our separate ways. I feel like I want more out of life than he does and have been really feeling like he is holding me back from the life I want. Lauren, do you have any advice for me?
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Don't feel bad that you're 25 and newly single! I'm almost 25 and honey you are still so young. Enjoy life now in the present as it is! One day you're going to look back after you are married with kids and want to think I had so much fun during those years. My advice would be to enjoy your me time now because once you have relationship, get married, and have kids those times are hard to come around. Travel with a friend or family, go on a road tip, this is the time to do what you want! This is the time to accomplish the items on your bucket list. Of course it's nice to have someone to share it with, but you always need things that you've done yourself so in the future when you meet someone you can tell them these great adventures that you've been on. i hope you figure things out!
linh
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I think it's always a good idea to ask your friends guys to hook you up. I totally understand the situation, though. I'm 23 and a senior in college. All my friends are getting engaged or are already married and my boyfriend of 2 years gets freaked out when we talk about it. I think if you find a great guy, then wonderful. If not then focus on working on your career and making you the person that you want to be!
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Mid-twenties is always a difficult time because so many people are in a number of transitions in their lives. A lot of my friends are also engaged, married, or starting families. While this can be frustrating at times, use this time to learn about yourself and what you really want.
I look to my friends and their significant others a lot to help me learn what I want and don't want in a relationship (especially a marriage!). When you know what you really want, you are much more likely to be happier when you find your next relationship!
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Hey,
I understand what you are going through, I broke up with my long-term boyfriend of seven years at 25 (I'm 27 now) and I didn't really know what to do with myself..I panicked and ended up pushing myself into relationships that weren't for me..just because I felt uncomfortable being alone.
Then I sat back and thought of all the positives...
1) That seven year relationship I had (like the 5 year one you had) has provided me with experience that I can bring into a new relationship. I am able more now to know what I want and don't want in a guy and act accordingly. You are more likely to end up with someone who is suitable for you.
2) After mid to late twenties is the perfect time to find a relationship. You are mature and settled in your career, you are hot and probably have more of a grasp in terms of who you are as a person. This all provides an excellent basis for a successful relationship.
3) You have the opportunity now to enjoy the single life, to get the buzz of having first kisses and the getting to know him period..to do what you want without having to factor someone else into it for a while.
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I want to say to the person that: You don't need feel so bad, after all, 25 years is still young, relax! I'm sure everyone has felt like the last wheel, but it passes, everything is a matter of time ... Here in Brazil, we say: "There are evils that come to the right!" That is, now you're feeling well, but then other things will happen best ... keep calm.
Lauren, I loved this: "I was not losing the chance to have love, I was getting the opportunity to do it all over again."
Sorry to all my "English" but, as you have seen I'm from Brazil and is more difficult to express myself in another language .. I hope you have understood me.
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Hi just curious.. I love love love your outfits that you wore on the Hills. Just curious if you would be willing to tell us where you got them.. specifically the really colorful dress you wore on the housewarming party in season 4. Also that big white shirt you wore on the day whitney walked the good morning america show. Please post this in a new question or maybe a new thread if i can't ask here. I love your clothes. where do you usually shop? thank you!
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Oh, my situation is quite the opposite. I'm almost 20, most of my friends are in relationships and some of my former classmates have even got married! And then there's me... never had a relationship and have no idea how to even get started. So many awkward situations - I like him, he doesn't feel the same way, someone else wants to date me, I don't feel the same way... it's so frustrating! I've wanted to be with someone since I was a kid, but I guess life has other plans for me. That's why I'm simply enjoying my single life, growing as a person to become the best I can be, and I trust that someday someone will come to me and we will both feel the same thing. I used to get really emotional about this, but now I've accepted it for what it is and I don't feel bad because I get attention from some guys. It's just not the right timing :)
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SO familliar...
my old classmates are having babys, or getting married.. while im still single. Iam busy with weddings and having a family since i was 12, so it hurts me that they get what i want. recently i also joined a datingsite. got a looooot of intention but my eye fell on two boys. One who was living only 5 mins. away from me, and one who lives in America..
The closest one doesnt know what he wants, he wants to hang out, but keeps on cancel the dates.
Matter of fact today we talked about it through textmessage. guess what, he said he wanted to have some time off but he knew he was gonna regret it.. but that was bad luck for him..
and here i am, eating my second chcolate bar, because i really wanted to get to know him.
luckely i have my collegue who got me trough today.,
you just gotta enjoy life and the right man will come along..
although im not so patient anymore, and i want to start getting settled..
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