Ask Lauren: Dealing with Gossip
In my previous Ask Lauren posts I’ve talked about everything from how to handle a friend that’s ditched you for her new boyfriend and boy texting 101 to how to handle the “Let’s take a break” breakup and how to hang when you’re the only single gal in your group… Well today I thought it would be nice to mix it up by answering a question focusing on something I think most women have experienced in their lives: Being the target of gossip. It’s not fun and it can be very hurtful. Today’s question comes from an anonymous member. Here goes…
I am at University, or college (I'm from the UK), and live in a student house with roommates who are different ages than me—they all happen to be the same age, and I'm younger. We don't tend to socialize with each other as I have my own set of friends, and they have theirs and each other. However, last night they came back from a night out and started shouting, which woke me up. I was completely awake in my room but with the lights off, and I heard them begin to talk about me. It was all a bit personal for my liking (especially considering they don't know me well), saying I was 'overly girlie' and making fun of the fact I have a blog etc. I heard absolutely everything and none of it was very nice. What should I do?
First off, I am sorry. I think that at one point or another every girl has experienced something like this and it can feel pretty awful. Whether it's through a bathroom stall door or via pocket dial, it sucks. Plainly put. It is hurtful and unpleasant for anyone to hear negative things about themselves from anyone, let alone someone they know. It's really unfortunate that girls feel the need to be catty and criticize each other for being different. The sooner girls learn to stand up for and support each other, the better off we will all be.
I would say the best approach in your situation is a kind one. Leave them a note or, if you are brave enough, speak to them in person. Simply let them know that you over heard their conversation and it hurt your feelings. Hopefully, they will be more considerate in the further and not so quick to judge. Side note: Blogs are awesome ;-)
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XO Lauren
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Ask Lauren: Dealing with gossip
Lauren, I haven't had the chance to collect your novels yets... My gossip isn't delt with until my book reading is finished. What's your favorite plot script in one of your books?... That answers the question dealing with gossip?... -
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I know it's cliche, but always remember that when people are taking the time to talk about you they are probably jealous - about something- whether it's your hair, style, confidence. People who are happy will be happy, people who are lacking gossip. you can never stop gossip from happening, but you can control how much if hurts you. remembering they are jealous always has helped me control the ache of overhearing hurtful things. -
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I know it's cliche, but always remember that when people are taking the time to talk about you they are probably jealous - about something- whether it's your hair, style, confidence. People who are happy will be happy, people who are lacking gossip. you can never stop gossip from happening, but you can control how much if hurts you. remembering they are jealous always has helped me control the ache of overhearing hurtful things.
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You are right, mean and hurtful things like that happen to every girl, and sometimes I am the one gossiping. Whenever the topic of a girl becomes rude or judgmental, I try and get out of there because I know that if I stay, I'll get caught up in it too. -
You are right, mean and hurtful things like that happen to every girl, and sometimes I am the one gossiping. Whenever the topic of a girl becomes rude or judgmental, I try and get out of there because I know that if I stay, I'll get caught up in it too.
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You are right, mean and hurtful things like that happen to every girl, and sometimes I am the one gossiping. Whenever the topic of a girl becomes rude or judgmental, I try and get out of there because I know that if I stay, I'll get caught up in it too.
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dear lauren,
i need advice! i have a problem..
so this summer i had my 3 best friends. we all do the same sport & were training together all summer therefor we were always togehter. during our training time we managed to meet 4 other guys that were training for the same sport ( they were 3 years older though). we started handing out with them.. each girl managed to fit perfectly with one of the guys.. we all though we were just having fun! well i was the first one to manage to get myself asked out & in a relationship with one of them. when summer ended i was to scared for a long distance relationship with the guy.. even know he was great, he was my first boyfriend and i know how guys are in college. we broke up kinda a sore break up but after we did my best friend got asked out by his bestfriend and they decided to do long distance. he completly changed her into the girl he wanted, having her on a leach while hes at college in a frat. well they all went back to college my EX and i started talking again.. realizing we do like each other a lot more than we though. He came home for thanks giving and him and my best friend were both acting weird around me but i tried not to think anything of it. the last night he was here i asked him.. actually i told him i knew there was another girl (thinking i was wrong) but sadly i wasnt. after sobing for days i confronted my best firiend who was dating his friend and she told me she knew all along that he had been sleeping with other girls and that she felt that she was good friends with him also and she shouldnt put herself in the middle of it and that she didnt want to "hurt" her relatinship by getting in the middle. honestly thats not what i call a best friend. i am such a girls girl and will do anything for my friends. all my friends & team mates are freinds with her though. we all play the same sport & everything she is every i go and i cant adviod it...
what do you think i should do? -
If they have a problem with you they should honestly just talk to you about it. They dont know you or your story, so they have absolutely no room to talk. You dont know their story so, you have no room to talk either. My suggestion is you guys should have lunch or dinner together, or have a small get together to get to know each other more, so then if they have a problem with you, then would be the time to talk to you about it, same if you have a problem with them! -
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Dear Lauren,
I am currently at the point in my life where I need to choose a career, I am really into Fashion and Blogging, I was wondering if you have any advice on what to study? And what did you study at college? thank you, Love Eryn ox -
Dear Lauren,
The past 2 years I, along with my friends at our University, have participated in an event called relay for life. It is a fundraiser walk for cancer. It lasts 12 hours, night until morning, where the participants walk a certain track around a gym or football field etc. lined with tables and booths of activities. I have so much fun at these! There are so many people everywhere we go that have been affected by cancer in some way, myself included, and I'm sure you know someone who has been affected as well. This year I am in charge of the activity the group Im in will do. 2 years ago it was a bean bag toss, last year it was a cake walk. I was wondering if you could give some ideas for a fundraiser booth, or other ways my group can raise money for this event. It is such a good cause and near and dear to my heart. I follow all your pages from facebook to pinterest and I am inspired by so much that you do, so I thought I would ask you! Thanks for your help! -
Dear Lauren,
I have really short hair, just below my ears and above my shoulder. My hair is super curly and has tons of body. What can I do with my hair besides straighten it or have my usual natural curls? There's so few ways to be creative with short hair, but it's so easy that it's worth it! I just miss being able to do a fancy updo, or a messy bun. Any suggestions? -
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Lauren, will you buy me a suit, so I have, something decent to wear? Kind of a joke, kind of serious, though. I am a solid guy, I do not have much money. I am an extremely hard worker. I really would like to meet a real woman. I am over dating little girls, that get off on the "game". I would like to thank you for being a positive female. Your kind and caring spirit is needed. Obviously, there is not a lot for me to contribute to on the site, I still enjoy it, I guess. I feel like I have to do my homework when it comes to woman. So, I am just here studying.
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Hi Lauren,
With the holidays quickly approaching I was wondering if there is a certain amount you are suppose to spend on a significant other. When gift shopping for especially the holidays (but for birthdays and anniversaries too) I end up always asking myself did I spend enough? Did they spend more on me? Is there a certain guideline I should be going by? I know it is the though that counts but I feel like depending on how many years you are with someone and if you are able to spend a certain amount you should. So, what do you think is a good amount to spend on a significant other? Do you think how many years influences that as well? I would love to see what you think! -
Dear Lauren,
My roommate texted me the Tuesday night I got back for Thanksgiving saying that a friend from down the hall asked her to move in with her. And she's thinking about it. I'm determined to not let her go mostly because we're really good roommates, the school year is about halfway over and I don't want a new roommate so late after getting comfortable with my current roomie, and I think it's just rude to switcheroo like that. While she'll be helping her friend, I'd be left to deal with a stranger in my home or pay double for the dorm. I'm a freshman and new to the whole roommate business so how can I deal with this with class? I already told her "I ain't giving you up" but what can I do to get her to continue our commitment?
Thank you! -
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Hi Lauren,
This I was hanging out with this guy for a while and we were talking on a regular basis. We work together and would hangout on a regular basis with work people. We were both flaky when it came to plans but eventually I stopped playing games with him and everything seemed normal. I had been told by a mutual friend of his that he was down to "hookup" with me. He had never been suggestive and had never made a move on me. I had made it clear to mutual friends at work that I wouldn't hookup with anyone from work. I eventually came to the conclusion that I would if he pulled a move. After putting myself out there as far as being extra flirty at a work halloween party, he ended up hanging out with his ex fling and some others from work. His ex fling has a serious boyfriend so I didnt understand the deal with that. Now we dnt talk outside of work and he has no interest to hangout with me. I dnt understand what he ever wanted from me if he never got his hookup and why he just lost interest all of a sudden and doesnt even want to be friends. I am in need of some boy advice....
Thanks
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