Ask Lauren: Boyfriends Before Friends?
Every few weeks I check my inbox here on the website and while I cannot respond to each and every message, I thought it would be nice to offer advice and answer questions in a new blog series called, Ask Lauren. To kick things off, I decided to answer a question that a member messaged me. (For the sake of privacy, she will remain anonymous.) Today's topic is one that I think a lot of us can relate to...
My best friend chose her boyfriend over me and we've been best friend since seventh grade. We don't talk anymore or anything; she has changed her entire self for her boyfriend... How do I deal with losing my friend?
I think this is both a difficult and common situation that best friends often find themselves in. It can be really hard to be the number one priority in someone's life and then suddenly feel like you have been replaced.
Speaking as someone who has been on both sides of this situation I can understand why your feelings would be hurt. I think the most important thing to remember is that when you are young, guys come and go, but real friends are forever. Sometimes we have to let our friends enjoy the beginning of a relationship knowing that we won't get to have as much time with them.
It took me a while to learn this, but its something that will be returned when you meet a great guy and want to be swept away for a while. My advice would be to do your best to be happy for her and just give her a little time. Then, if nothing changes just be honest about the way you are feeling. Let her know that you miss her.
Do you guys have advice on this topic?
Also, if you need advice on a sticky situation, leave me a comment below. Or if you'd rather your question be answered anonymously, send me a private message by visiting my profile page and clicking "Send private message."
While I cannot answer everyone's questions, I'll do my best to pick topics that you will be able to relate to.
XO Lauren
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Photo: Infotainer-dk
93 comments
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I actually had the opposite happen. Everything was fine and dandy when we were both commiserating about "not having anyone", not being able to afford living on our own, etc... Once I got into a relationship and got my own place, jealousy took over and tho I tried to invite her over, I even offered a place to stay so she would'nt have to pay for a hotel, she made excuses and said "it was my fault" -
I agree with Lauren. I also have been on both sides. It IS possible to balance both, but that is something that comes with age. I am much better now at balancing both my best girlfriends and my boyfriend than I was when I was in high school and early college.
If nothing changes after a month or two, I would let your friend know how you feel. At least then she will know and you know you did everything you could. But if she truly is your best friend, let her enjoy this time as one day you will want it in return. I hope it works out for you :) -
It is possible to MAKE TIME FOR BOTH. I've known people that DROP everything for their boyfriend, friends.. family etc. When the relationship ends, they realize there is no one to go back to. Its a fine balance, and as much as you want to make your boyfriend the center or your world, it's not healthy.
http://annezca.blogspot.com -
hi, Lauren! i love fashion and clothing, i help my friends what to wear and what works for hem but i don't know what works for me. do you have any tips on how to find out what pieces of clothing work for me? -
Hey Lauren!
I am currently in college and have realized bleaching my hair isnt as cool as i thought it was in high school. Now, i am realizing that the bright blonde hair just washes my skin tone out! Since i have seen your hair transform for the better over the years, what is your advice on picking the perfect hair color for your skin tone?
thank you(: -
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Hi Lauren,
I think appearances are important, particularly when it comes to dressing well. I wanted to ask--I am a broke college student and I cannot afford to be buying the latest trendy clothing or super cute blouses. Do you think there are a few key fashion staples I should definitely invest on? Also, what do think is a good way to dress for making a casual, cute, and clean everyday look? Accessories? Thanks! -
Hi Lauren ....I'm new here but I'm so happy 2 Followed....ok I wanna ask if u have some styles 4 short hair cauese my hair is short & it's suitable 4 my face I don't want long hair .... my hair's color like ur hair & it's between curly & wave ....so plz give me ur advises
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ASK LAUREN
So...i have to ask....what do you do when you realise that you are in love with your bestfriend who also happens to be a supercute boy...????i miss him so much...we were so close back at school but now that we live in different areas i don't get to see him that often...and i realised that i'm in love with him!!what should i do...tell him the truth and risk loosing a friend(very important these days...)or shut up and go on as friends????i don't know what to do...thanks anyway Lauren!!!!
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Hey Lauren!
So im graduating from high school in june, and i want your advice on what i should wear? Should I wear a red strapless dress with black wedges? Or totally go modest with a classy look?
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That is great advice Lauren! Currently my bff has been dating her new bf for 5 months and she says she is so in love already and has spent every second with him pretty much and doesn't hang out w/ any of her other friends. I've decided to just give her time to do what she wants b/c if it's real love it'll last and she'll eventually see that in a healthy relationship you need time to yourself and time for your friends too.
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QUESTION FOR LAUREN:
i really like the dresses you wear, but i can't seem to figure out what dress you wore when you went and met Amy Astly (when you were still filming for the hills) and the dress you wore to the show with Regis & Kelly on 10/11/2010
xoxo
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I am getting close to picking a college and deciding what I want to do with my life. I am having a hard time because I really like fashion, but I know that it is a hard business to get into and I'm not sure if I have the talent to make a career out of it, even though I would love to. My other, more reasonable choice, is to go into engineering. I know that it would be more a stable career and that it would be easier to get into because people want women engineers. I was thinking about maybe minoring in something to do with fashion, but if I want to make a career out of fashion, I don't think a minor would be enough. Do you have any advice on how to decide? Thanks!
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Yes,
my boyfriend (when I have one :p) will get more attention from me, then my friends get,
because its different, you cant compare them with eachother..
the love for a guy is incredible.
I wouldnt choose between them, but I would see my boyfriend more often than my friends..
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Reply for Melissa Panici:
Hey Melissa,
I saw your question for Laurent about your friend who passed away...
I just wanted to say that past is past, you can't change anything. Don't feel bad, because the more you will, the more you will neglect your family and friends you have now!
My father is in hospital now, rare sort of cancer... Klatskin tumor and there's a big chance he won't make it.
I myself have problems with health too and at this point I realize who my TRUE friends are and I try to stick with them. I don't blame those that are not here for me! I mean, I do feel angry sometimes, but they probably have their own problems and don't want to or simply don't have enough strenght to be here for me. I try to understand that.
What I want to say is... you are there now, surrounded with people you care about and who care about you. Let them know that. The most important thing is - be true to yourself and look after you first! When you can, share yourself with those you feel you can, let them know how much they mean to you.
Wish you all the best!
Hugs from Slovenija!
Katjuša -
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Question for Lauren: One of my dear friends was diagnosed with cancer a few years ago. I met her at Lowes when I worked there and we started hanging out and a couple of years after we became friends, that's when she was diagnosed. I tried to be there for her but she pushed a lot of friends away becuase she was afraid of getting too close in case she passed away. Last time I saw her, we went out to eat with another friend of ours and had a great time. She said she was doing better. Well a month went by and I hadn't talked to her in a while because my life got a little busy and crazy. (no excuse for not talking to a friend in a month) Well I received a text from one of her friends saying she passed away. Well the friend we had dinner with the last time I saw her, stopped talking to me. I told her I felt bad for not being in touch with Mary for a month before she passed. I'm thinking this made her mad because she hasn't talked to me since. I feel like I was a bad friend for not being there for her when she went down hill because I was "busy". How do I deal with this? I miss her terribly and want her to know that I always thought and worried about her and loved her dearly. Now it's too late to tell her that. Thanks for caring Lauren:)
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A really terrible situation/ been there done that / dont wish it on anyone :(
xo Emilie
PS please visit my latest blog post @ http://www.hungrydelights.com/ -
hi girls!!! the best thing to do is to be in the middle!!! not 100% for boyfriend and not 100% for the girls!!! my first real boyfriend was very close!! and made me get distant with my friends for over 2 years!! when i finally broke up, i realized how important friends were!!! now i´m living with my new boyfriend and still see all of my friends!!! i never ever want to be away from them again!! and its the best!!!
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It's all about having the perfect balance between your friends and your man, girls. There's a time and a place for both of them. Be considerate and be the best girlfriend, and best friend you can possibly be.
Liesl xxx
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This is great advice! I have been in this situation before and while my best friend and I did go on a "friendship hiatus" eventually our friendship resumed when she realized that I was not going anywhere. I will be a friend through good times and bad! If time is what is needed, to get through the so new, so into you phase of a friends relationship, time shouldl be given! When it's all said and done the friend is going to want to share all these great things with you am have you be a part of the growing process! -
i used to have a best friend i spent most of my time at her home she always called me and i was there for her then she met a guy and i totally understood she even used my name saying that we went out to any place like a screen (for her mom not to know, we werent kids, we were adults but here in Peru parents are totally conservative) then she started to work and i did as well i even rent a place for myself alone and i told her but she wasnt sure :( we even planned that when we were teenagers ...i invited her to come over to my place but she never was available .... later i met a guy and he is fantastic i love him pretty much i used to spend all my weekends with him then she was like mad or something cuz then when she wanted to go out i wasnt available like she wanted me to but i thought bout it....did i do something wrong? i mean i was always up to but she blew me off most of the time....we never talked bout it , and i missed her so much .... Nowadays we talk but not as we used to ...
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Great advice Lauren! Young women should definitely not jump into serious relationships at a young age. I lost someone I thought was my best friend when I met my boyfriend. Even though I still spent most of time with "Lisa" (we also worked together on a daily basis) she never accepted my relationship. It was definitely not jealously because she was engaged! I started to think that maybe "Lisa" liked it when I wasn't happy. I didn't want to believe that but than I started to notice other things like the fact that she never supported my choices. When my boyfriend eventually became my fiancee she didn't say she never once said she was happy for me. Long story short I didn't leave "Lisa's" life she left mine.
My point is that not every friend is a forever friend and sometimes it can be a blessing when they leave your life. Chose the company you keep carefully and always remember friendship is a two way street. A real friend may not like your choices but she will support them if they make you happy.
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