Ladylike Laws: On PDA

Ladylike Laws: On PDA
Affection is a normal, healthy way of expressing your love for someone special. It’s a good thing to have in a relationship. Very good! And how you choose to show your love behind closed doors is entirely up to you. However, there are certain standards when it comes to publicly displayed affection (commonly known as “PDA”) that I think far too many people ignore when showing their honey some street side love…

I’ll be honest–I’ve been one of those people who roll their eyes after catching a hot and heavy couple smooching in line at the movie theater. It’s annoying and uncomfortable. But then again, I’m sure I’ve been guilty of such social transgressions myself. At the end of the day, there’s a fine line between a sweet moment and a grotesque public groping. Unfortunately this is a line that is blurred for many couples. That said, I’ve decided to take on the subject of PDA today in my newest installment of Ladylike Laws and lay down the law once and for all on public displays of affection. Here goes…

PDA-Approved Moves

  1. Hugs
  2. Holding hands
  3. Quick kisses (in good taste…no drawn out make out sessions please)

Bottom line: Don’t do anything in public that you wouldn’t want your grandmother to see. Also, do not do anything in excess.

It’s really quite simple. And if you are looking to squeeze, grope, or smother, then get a room.

Sadly not everyone has gotten the memo on this… So be sure to pass this post around. Hopefully your PDA-offending friends will get the hint!

How do you handle an awkward PDA moment? Do you think PDA is okay? Where do you draw the line?

I’d love to hear your thoughts! Be sure to share them in the comments below.

For more etiquette tips such as how to handle first dates, dine in restaurants, ace a job interview, hang on a plane, or simply how to hold your drinks properly, check out the Etiquette section!

XO Lauren

Photo Credit: A Midwestern Touch

 

You might also like…
Ladylike Laws: To Hug or Not to Hug?
Ladylike Laws: Interview Etiquette
Ladylike Laws: Restaurant Dining
Ladylike Laws: How to Hold Your Drinks

Categories: Ask Lauren, Etiquette, Grow, Lauren Conrad, Relationships
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  • Rachel Trampel

    These are definitely good rules! I’m glad a quick kiss is okay (which usually I am only okay with if we are leaving each other… for example at the airport)! Holding hands and hugs are definitely AOK!

    New plaid outfit up on the blog!
    http://www.rachelslookbook.com

  • bymissdaisy

    These should definitely be followed! I’ve had friends tell me that they never feel like a third wheel around me and my boyfriend because we maintain our PDA well, whereas they tend to steer away from hanging out with other couples. It really shows a respect for the people you’re around!

    Check out my morning routine!
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  • Melissa Panici

    I love these tips and you are right. I think hugs and holding hands are perfectly fine. Quick kisses are good too. I think it’s disgusting to see people heavily making out in front of everyone. It is very uncomfortable. It’s all about respecting others as well as yourself. Thanks Lauren!

  • Caroline Powell

    These are great. I’m still in college, so there are all sorts of PDAs around campus. I think hand holding and hugs are perfectly fine…even the short little kiss. But, if you are in the way of people getting to class on time, whatever you’re doing should stop. And PDA is just a cute way to show that you’re with someone. Keep the makeouts and touchy-feely stuff at home.

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  • marry kelly

    These are the great tips. It would helpful in love relation if we hug to each others.

    Thanks Lauren!

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  • Stacie

    I think you might need some more tips here. Massages are not ok in public. Rubbing your boyfriend’s belly is just weird in public. Spending an entire dinner with your head on your boyfriend’s shoulder is not ok.
    I’m pretty sure I’m too cynical about all this, but it’s just so annoying. Especially when older couples are out, making puppy faces at each other and using baby talk – Grow up!

  • Heather M

    I just spent a night out with a a group of friends and one of the couples of the groups had to be in each other laps and essentially glued together. It was uncomfortable to say the least. Hugs are excellent, holding hands is fine, a little peck here and there, great. But there are lines and they get crossed way to often!

  • Beth

    I like the rules that were listed anything other than these is too much. I saw a couple making out in the middle of the street and was like come on ( and when I drove past again 20 minutes later they were just starting to walk again! Way too much PDA). They need to read these rules. I am married and I still don’t act like that! I agree with the don’t do anything you would not do in front of your grandma rule. Great article overall.

  • Sara Isabel Rodriguez Enciso

    i totally agree with you! :-)

  • Ashley Rizzardo
  • My Style Diary

    Great post Lauren!
    I definitely agree with this, it’s just disgusting to see a big make out session in public.. Luckily my boyfriend agrees with this too and we just stick to your PDA-approved rules. :)

    http://mystylediaryblogspot.blogspot.com/

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    I totally agree!

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  • Melinda Pollard

    Great post! I am not a big PDA person- I would much rather keep it in private. I love your list- that about sums up what I would do in public lol

  • Rachelle

    Totally agree.

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  • Ambi s

    So glad you posted this, and completely agree – overtly ‘expressive’ PDAs are totally inappropriate, and not very ladylike. I always feel super awkward around some of my friends that do it – I just don’t know where to look!!

    http://www.bombayrose.co.uk

    Ambi xx

  • Morgan Hohbein

    Agree with you 100%!

  • Lizzie

    Totally agree! I also feel a bit of cuddling is ok PDA. I have a married couple friends who whenever I’m having a conversation with the wife the husband comes up and starts making out with her! It is always so awkward!

  • Deanne Castro

    Yes, I agree! Some people need to learn not to be so public about they way are with each other!

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  • Taanjaa

    Love this advice i wish more people knew this :)

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  • Katie

    Etiquette posts are some of my favorite. I’m definitely passing this one on! Of course I know I’ve had a slip or two, but I have many friends who I consider classy ladies who’ve definitely been guilty of TMI PDA a few too many times. This is the perfect way to give them a hint, and it won’t seem out of the ordinary because I’m always passing along your posts. Thank you Lauren! xxo

  • Mel-Belle

    I agree with your rules completely. Although something that I think must be noted… People dry-humping at dances.

    Head down ass up grinding is pretty classless, too, but nothing disgusts me more to see people against the wall basically going at it in public. (My college is even JESUIT!) Intensely slutty grinding was prevalent in high school, but in college it just got so much worse. Of course, if I expressed my disdain for that raunchy PDA to anyone at my college, that would make me a prude. I just remind myself that not only are they ignorant to my sex life but it is none of their business. If I wanted it to be their business, I would be displaying it as grotesquely in public as they do.

    I’d rather be a classy type of sexy that is respectable and does nothing to harm my future reputation rather than a trashy type of slut that deserves no respect for those public actions.

  • Leanne

    I think hand holding is so sweet and loving. For me that’s all I will share in the company of others.

    Love from South Africa

    http://arumlilea.blogspot.com

  • Franci Gire

    Good rules to follow!

    Franci

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  • Deb M

    i completely agree with everything you have to say! i was at disney world over christmas and i saw multiple couples engaging in inappropriate pda. i saw one leaning against a rail groping, straddling, and hardcore making out…pda like that is inappropriate anywhere…but especially at a theme park geared towards young children with thousands of them walking right past these two. oh yeah, it was also in broad daylight.

  • Ashley Ward

    Good point, but sometimes you just don’t care who’s watching!

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  • tiffany newman

    i hold hands with my boyfriend then we kiss on the side when he came up to me but it a sweet and quick kiss. he hug when we stop at places to look at stuff at windows. really cute stuff

  • Beauty to Sparkle

    Great post! You definitely made the point very clear. People need to learn to not only respect others, but to respect themselves. That’s why in other cultures, you don’t ever see extreme cases of PDA.

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  • CreativityGeeeek

    Handling an awkward PDA moment? It’s a struggle to keep myself from rolling my eyes, but I usually just look away and remind myself that I have no control over what ‘they’ are doing. If this couple doesn’t mind embarrassing themselves then so be it! In my eyes PDA should be common sense! You should know when to draw the line

    Alicia~

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    I do the same thing than you when I saw a heavy couple smooching in public. I don’t like excessive love it’s like get room or stop ! ahah Thanks for the post, I really like it :)
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  • Melissa Chavez

    It is very awkward when a couple is making out in public. I always just do my best to look the other way and ignore them.

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  • Emily

    I actually kinda love pda’s (i don’t do it myself) but love is just so lovely!
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  • Alyssa

    I think you got it right. In my opinion, it’s okay to see a couple that looks like they’re in love – holding hands, quick little kisses. But watching a couple make out in public is so gross and awkward. Save it for a less public place.

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  • in style of LC

    I totally agree! I hate when I see a boy…and a girl…and they can’t stop to lick each other…YUCK! If they want to do this, they can do this! But not in public!

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    There is definately a time and place for OTT PDA’s. I agree that love is lovely, but seeing two people playing tonsil tennis and trying to cop a feel in public is more like lust. Seeing two people hold hands, with a few kisses here and there and holding eachother, now thats love.

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  • Rachel Elkins

    I agree! I roll my eyes at couples that are all over each other in public. I mean, people don’t need to see that! I think these are some GREAT general rules that I need to send around to a few specific people! When it’s awkward in public, I just act it never happened and try to continue whatever I’m doing, even though it can be quite challenging! PDA is fine as long it’s controlled. Couples can do whatever they want behind closed doors. But in public, keep it G!
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  • Brittany Denuszek

    Agree with the post if you are in the U.S.! I was traveling with my boyfriend and his family in Chile this past winter break and we adhered to the PDA-approved moves above and we kept getting mistaken for brother and sister! This is because in Chile the PDA is more affectionate and accepted. So I would say just stay cognizant of the cultural norms!

  • Catie Foran

    I completely agree! I always feel uncomfortable when I see couples throwing themselves at eachother but then again I look back at my last relationship and I may have been just as guilty. I think a quick smooch is the most PDA I’ll ever show in public.

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  • Lo Barker

    Agree totally with it, but y boyfriend and I have this thing whenwe go shopping – we have to kiss on every escalator we go on, but the kisses aren’t too excessive!

  • NoHandStand

    I handle an awkward PDA moment by causally smiling and giving soft affection. The smiling with a giving goes toward the reaction of the action giving to me during the PDA. Yes, most certainly PDA is okay?… I draw the line with affection in a relationship in front of social media. It upsets me to be betrayed emotionally in public when the guys know about us.

  • Aireli

    I had the unfortunate encounter of sitting next to a handsy college-aged couple on an airplane (myself having the window seat). It started as hand-holding and cheek pecks and escalated to a point where they were almost in my seat with their PDA. Politely asked them to stop which seemed to shock them (maybe they thought I wanted to share in their exploit).

  • Aireli

    I had the unfortunate encounter of sitting next to a handsy college-aged couple on an airplane (myself having the window seat). It started as hand-holding and cheek pecks and escalated to a point where they were almost in my seat with their PDA. Politely asked them to stop which seemed to shock them (maybe they thought I wanted to share in their exploit).

  • jennaxo

    Omg love this! Totally agree. Some people can be so gross!

  • jennaxo

    Omg love this! Totally agree. Some people can be so gross!

  • jennaxo

    Omg love this! Totally agree. Some people can be so gross!

  • StarbucksStruck

    Great tips, Lauren! I completely agree — some people are way over the top with PDA. In the wise words of Sweet Brown, “”Ain’t nobody got time for that!””

  • StarbucksStruck

    Great tips, Lauren! I completely agree — some people are way over the top with PDA. In the wise words of Sweet Brown, “”Ain’t nobody got time for that!””

  • StarbucksStruck

    Great tips, Lauren! I completely agree — some people are way over the top with PDA. In the wise words of Sweet Brown, “”Ain’t nobody got time for that!””

  • Irish mary

    Agreed. Being overly demonstrative in public to the point of causing discomfort to the surrounding public shows a lack of class and self respect. Less is more when it comes to Pda’s. There is a time and place for everything and being in public is not the place to paw or be pawed by another.

  • Irish mary

    Agreed. Being overly demonstrative in public to the point of causing discomfort to the surrounding public shows a lack of class and self respect. Less is more when it comes to Pda’s. There is a time and place for everything and being in public is not the place to paw or be pawed by another.

  • Irish mary

    Agreed. Being overly demonstrative in public to the point of causing discomfort to the surrounding public shows a lack of class and self respect. Less is more when it comes to Pda’s. There is a time and place for everything and being in public is not the place to paw or be pawed by another.

  • Irish mary

    Agreed. Being overly demonstrative in public to the point of causing discomfort to the surrounding public shows a lack of class and self respect. Less is more when it comes to Pda’s. There is a time and place for everything and being in public is not the place to paw or be pawed by another.

  • Rachael Dixon

    I completely agree with you! Too much PDA is a no-no but the small things are fine. Cute even! I like seeing a couple hold hands or quickly kiss! Super adorable!
    My boyfriend took the No PDA Rule a step further, though, and doesn’t even like to hold hands in public. It really bothered me at first. Made me feel like he didn’t want to be seen in public with me. But after 3 years, we’ve met middle ground. We don’t hold hands often and its nice because we don’t feel like we’re excluding anyone or making someone a third wheel. But then sometimes one of us feels like holding hands! It feels extra special then!

  • Rachael Dixon

    I completely agree with you! Too much PDA is a no-no but the small things are fine. Cute even! I like seeing a couple hold hands or quickly kiss! Super adorable!
    My boyfriend took the No PDA Rule a step further, though, and doesn’t even like to hold hands in public. It really bothered me at first. Made me feel like he didn’t want to be seen in public with me. But after 3 years, we’ve met middle ground. We don’t hold hands often and its nice because we don’t feel like we’re excluding anyone or making someone a third wheel. But then sometimes one of us feels like holding hands! It feels extra special then!

  • Rachael Dixon

    I completely agree with you! Too much PDA is a no-no but the small things are fine. Cute even! I like seeing a couple hold hands or quickly kiss! Super adorable!
    My boyfriend took the No PDA Rule a step further, though, and doesn’t even like to hold hands in public. It really bothered me at first. Made me feel like he didn’t want to be seen in public with me. But after 3 years, we’ve met middle ground. We don’t hold hands often and its nice because we don’t feel like we’re excluding anyone or making someone a third wheel. But then sometimes one of us feels like holding hands! It feels extra special then!

  • Rachael Dixon

    I completely agree with you! Too much PDA is a no-no but the small things are fine. Cute even! I like seeing a couple hold hands or quickly kiss! Super adorable!
    My boyfriend took the No PDA Rule a step further, though, and doesn’t even like to hold hands in public. It really bothered me at first. Made me feel like he didn’t want to be seen in public with me. But after 3 years, we’ve met middle ground. We don’t hold hands often and its nice because we don’t feel like we’re excluding anyone or making someone a third wheel. But then sometimes one of us feels like holding hands! It feels extra special then!

  • Rachael Dixon

    I completely agree with you! Too much PDA is a no-no but the small things are fine. Cute even! I like seeing a couple hold hands or quickly kiss! Super adorable!
    My boyfriend took the No PDA Rule a step further, though, and doesn’t even like to hold hands in public. It really bothered me at first. Made me feel like he didn’t want to be seen in public with me. But after 3 years, we’ve met middle ground. We don’t hold hands often and its nice because we don’t feel like we’re excluding anyone or making someone a third wheel. But then sometimes one of us feels like holding hands! It feels extra special then!

  • Zivana Bijelic

    Hi Lauren,

    I completely agree with you, my boyfriend and I have a long distance relationship and when he is home, we’re rather affectionate in public but not anything hot and heavy. We do the top 3 on your list. We hug, quick kiss, hold hands, and occasionally I lean on him when I am tired. However he recently told me his mother says we’re too affectionate in public. I completely disagree and I don’t think we do anything inappropriate. Any tips or guidance for this?

    Thanks so much,

    Z

  • Zivana Bijelic

    Hi Lauren,

    I completely agree with you, my boyfriend and I have a long distance relationship and when he is home, we’re rather affectionate in public but not anything hot and heavy. We do the top 3 on your list. We hug, quick kiss, hold hands, and occasionally I lean on him when I am tired. However he recently told me his mother says we’re too affectionate in public. I completely disagree and I don’t think we do anything inappropriate. Any tips or guidance for this?

    Thanks so much,

    Z

  • Zivana Bijelic

    Hi Lauren,

    I completely agree with you, my boyfriend and I have a long distance relationship and when he is home, we’re rather affectionate in public but not anything hot and heavy. We do the top 3 on your list. We hug, quick kiss, hold hands, and occasionally I lean on him when I am tired. However he recently told me his mother says we’re too affectionate in public. I completely disagree and I don’t think we do anything inappropriate. Any tips or guidance for this?

    Thanks so much,

    Z

  • Zivana Bijelic

    Hi Lauren,

    I completely agree with you, my boyfriend and I have a long distance relationship and when he is home, we’re rather affectionate in public but not anything hot and heavy. We do the top 3 on your list. We hug, quick kiss, hold hands, and occasionally I lean on him when I am tired. However he recently told me his mother says we’re too affectionate in public. I completely disagree and I don’t think we do anything inappropriate. Any tips or guidance for this?

    Thanks so much,

    Z

  • Zivana Bijelic

    Hi Lauren,

    I completely agree with you, my boyfriend and I have a long distance relationship and when he is home, we’re rather affectionate in public but not anything hot and heavy. We do the top 3 on your list. We hug, quick kiss, hold hands, and occasionally I lean on him when I am tired. However he recently told me his mother says we’re too affectionate in public. I completely disagree and I don’t think we do anything inappropriate. Any tips or guidance for this?

    Thanks so much,

    Z

  • Zivana Bijelic

    Hi Lauren,

    I completely agree with you, my boyfriend and I have a long distance relationship and when he is home, we’re rather affectionate in public but not anything hot and heavy. We do the top 3 on your list. We hug, quick kiss, hold hands, and occasionally I lean on him when I am tired. However he recently told me his mother says we’re too affectionate in public. I completely disagree and I don’t think we do anything inappropriate. Any tips or guidance for this?

    Thanks so much,

    Z

  • Nicole Maria

    Hi Lauren
    Follow twitter.com/LawsOfALady for ladylike tips and rules. It my fave :) Xx

  • Nicole Maria

    Hi Lauren
    Follow twitter.com/LawsOfALady for ladylike tips and rules. It my fave :) Xx

  • Nicole Maria

    Hi Lauren
    Follow twitter.com/LawsOfALady for ladylike tips and rules. It my fave :) Xx

  • isa

    I am a big fan of you….! Since Laguna Beach!

  • isa

    I am a big fan of you….! Since Laguna Beach!

  • isa

    I am a big fan of you….! Since Laguna Beach!

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