Ask Lauren: Dealing with Gossip

Ask Lauren: Dealing with Gossip
In my previous Ask Lauren posts I’ve talked about everything from how to handle a friend that’s ditched you for her new boyfriend and boy texting 101 to how to handle the “Let’s take a break” breakup and how to hang when you’re the only single gal in your group… Well today I thought it would be nice to mix it up by answering a question focusing on something I think most women have experienced in their lives: Being the target of gossip. It’s not fun and it can be very hurtful. Today’s question comes from an anonymous member. Here goes…

I am at University, or college (I’m from the UK), and live in a student house with roommates who are different ages than me—they all happen to be the same age, and I’m younger. We don’t tend to socialize with each other as I have my own set of friends, and they have theirs and each other. However, last night they came back from a night out and started shouting, which woke me up. I was completely awake in my room but with the lights off, and I heard them begin to talk about me. It was all a bit personal for my liking (especially considering they don’t know me well), saying I was ‘overly girlie’ and making fun of the fact I have a blog etc. I heard absolutely everything and none of it was very nice. What should I do?

First off, I am sorry. I think that at one point or another every girl has experienced something like this and it can feel pretty awful. Whether it’s through a bathroom stall door or via pocket dial, it sucks. Plainly put. It is hurtful and unpleasant for anyone to hear negative things about themselves from anyone, let alone someone they know. It’s really unfortunate that girls feel the need to be catty and criticize each other for being different. The sooner girls learn to stand up for and support each other, the better off we will all be.

I would say the best approach in your situation is a kind one. Leave them a note or, if you are brave enough, speak to them in person. Simply let them know that you over heard their conversation and it hurt your feelings. Hopefully, they will be more considerate in the further and not so quick to judge. Side note: Blogs are awesome.

Do you have any suggestions for our reader? Leave your comments below.

Also if you have an Ask Lauren question, leave it in the comments below.

XO Lauren

Photo: Harper’s Bazaar

Categories: Ask Lauren, Lauren Conrad
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  • Melissa Panici

    Great advice Lauren:) Lauren is right. We have all been the subject of gossip. I sure have and it’s not fun at all. I would definately say something. I am one to say something to your face and that usually makes them feel uncomfortable and embarrassed because they were caught. Definately say something to them to their face. They need to know they hurt your feelings. Maybe they will keep their mouths shut once you talk to them. If you aren’t quite brave enough to talk to them face to face, then a letter like Lauren suggested should do. So sorry to hear this. I hope things get better for you!

  • Amy Breckenridge

    dear reader: girls can be so mean, can’t they? i remember dealing with similar situations in high school and college, and even a couple afterwards with a few female coworkers at my last office! i agree with lauren – the solution is to ALWAYS be nice to them, even when they hurt your feelings. by taking the high road you show everyone (and yourself) that you have great character and morals. they may not respond well when you tell them that they hurt your feelings, but at least you got it off your chest and let them know how you feel. plus, it seems like you have your own great group of friends who will be there for you no matter what! you also have lots of other bloggers like me who you can relate to, especially within lauren’s great online community :)
    xoamy
    http://www.cupcakesncouture.com

  • Emma Fox

    Really good post, Lauren! Really helpful! I love these Ask Lauren posts,

    http://www.foxtrotbravo.blogspot.com

    Emma fox :)

  • Lacey Dreyer

    Girls can be so caddy. The best way thing to do is to ignore it. There are plenty of people that like you for you. Keep your head up : )

    http://martiniandmanicures.blogspot.com/?m=1

  • Ashley S Wilson

    Unfortunately, I had to deal with this not too long ago from actual family members. It’s hurtful and it happens more often than you think. The best thing to do is avoid sinking to their level and approach it with grace and class. Let them know that what they said hurt you and it is unacceptable to act that way, especially when there’s no reason for it. Then ignore what they said and go on about your business. You focus on doing things that make you happy and never change for anyone.

  • alex jones

    Lauren that is really great. you should keep it up.

    http://drsnooze.com

  • Martin M

    Even though Im a guy let me guess you what: First of all. Never be ashamed to have a blog. First my friends were laughing about my when they find out that I have my own blog. Now that the blog is one of the most successful male blogs in Germany, nobody is laughing about me at all. Keep your head up and see it as inspiration to work much much harder!!! And you know what..let them talk…you have your friends!!!

    http://www.look-scout.de

    http://www.look-scout.de

  • Caroline

    “Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people” – Not sure who quoted this but it’s one of my favorites.

    Sounds to me as if they are very envious of her.

  • ALaF

    One of the best pieces of advice I’ve ever gotten is “”Kill them with kindness!”” Girls get gossipy for any number of reasons, whether they’re able to rationalize them or not, but it all comes down to how you feel about yourself.

    “”No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.””-Eleanor Roosevelt

    So, if you know you’re a good person and you’ve always been nice to them, then you know there is no merit in what they’re saying. I think girls tend to get caught up in trying to figure out WHY other girls are talking about them, but it doesn’t truly matter in the end and you may never find out. Just treat them kindly, always, and you’ll know that you are the better person and that karma will at least not be coming for you in the future!

  • Taanjaa

    How awfull! Don’t know why women always need to talk bad, we need to support and accept each other! Liked Alaf’s comment about “”Kill them with kindness””

    http://tanjaslookbook.blogspot.com/

  • jordan zarcone

    i was in the same situation, in college and a house full of girls except they were my friends for 10 years. i luckily had the oppertunity to move out, but to deal with them i stood up for myself, and told them what they said was rude and hurtful. I then packed up my things and left – a year and a half later im 10 times happier. Whenever they try to get in contact with me i simply say to them that i am happier without your rude comments in my life. So what i am trying to say is stay strong, love yourself, and always stick up for yourself because at the end of the day your happiness is what is key :) Girls form groups and try to think like one another just to fit in, so dont let what they say hurt you or bring you down – the root of the comments is always pure jealousy because your daring to be different than them.

  • Ashley Rizzardo

    Unfortunately, gossip and caddyness does carry over from high school to college. Lord knows, my roommate and I have had plenty of issues. I would say the best strategy would be to go to them in person, just to let them know that you are strong enough to talk to them to their faces while they felt the need to talk behind your back. Just show strength and hopefully they will see that you should be respected. Hope this helps! :)

    http://alittleglitzneverhurts.blogspot.com

  • torreypines

    I’ve also been on the other end of the gossip(the mean girl) and the best situation was when the person came to me personally and said how they had been hurt. I of course felt awful and it was cleared up really easily. Just try to be honest and kind about it.

  • Anne Daniela

    Find the confidence in yourself to know that you’re better than them. You’re in college, not high school. Even though you may have to live with them don’t let girls get you down.

  • Cesie Alvarez

    I say confronting them is the way to go. Then after all you can do is try to be above gossiping yourself.

    For some Monday inspiration, click below
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  • Lily P.

    I can certainly understand the way you feel because I’ve been through it and I know how bad it is :/
    3 years ago when I was 15 I’ve stayed in a camp the whole summer and I’ve met some girls with a really bad attitude.Just because they were rich and they had everything they could ask for,they assumed that they could make fun of me or talking about me like I was so different from them..

    All you have to do is talk to them ASAP!Good relationships are based on talking and having serious and mature conversations..If you don’t talk to them and you don’t open up then they will continue this gossip behind your back because you hadn’t let them know how you feel in the first place..
    And of course blogs are amazing,don’t even listen to them !
    I hope that this was helpful :)

    xo Lily
    http://alltimeclas-chic.blogspot.gr/

  • Valera Ved

    I like Lauren’s advice,
    i also want to add: ask yourself what are you afraid of most in this situation for yourself? Don’t cofront them or blame them when you will talk to them, – cuz it will make your relationship worse.
    Be kind like Lauren said. Good luck

  • Kate Noto

    I am sorry for what happened to you. If you want you can add me as a friend.

  • Liesel Meminger

    It all deppends weather you’d like to be friends with them or not. By now, I’d suggest you to relax: it is funny how people can be so judgemental about what the don’t know… so don’t let that bring you down. Remember “”No one can make you feel inferior without your consent””. (Sorry for my terrible english)

  • Kyra Doone

    Kill them with kindness. If you act negatively towards them, it won’t turn out well! Always be a good person, no matter what. Talk to them about it if it continues to bother you. Hope it works out.

    P.S. Lauren! Are you ever around in Laguna? I live close, so whenever I go, I’m always expecting to see you through a shopwindow or on the beach! Visit soon! :) And thanks for your website, love it so much!

  • Alyssa Tomasic

    I think Lauren gave great advice. But, I know from personal experience that leaving a note doesn’t turn out that well. I left a note to girls that made fun of me for having a blog and for carrying a purse around school and it backfired because they began to made fun of the fact that I left a note instead of confronting them.

    I am too much of a scaredy cat to confront them so I just let the situation go and like Kyra said, I “”killed them with kindness””. It hurt to know that they thought negatively about my blog and my sense of style.

    I would recommend just living civilly with those mean girls and just keep to your own friends who appreciate you and who don’t talk about you behind your back.

    http://www.bellalurosa.com

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  • Ivonne Badillo

    It’s awful to hear those things. In my experience, they talked about me not only behind my back but in the same bench during lunch. What hurt the most was that it was my best friend. I think that its important to be nice, not only to others but to yourself. So I confronted them. Eventually I ended the “”friendship””.And I don’t regret that. <3

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  • Kate

    Always take the high road being mean and nasty back gets you nowhere and makes you exactly like them.

  • Yesenia Hernandez

    I think the best thing to do is to confront them because she is living with them. Leaving a note might not solve anything and it might bring more problems. I know it might be hard to confront someone but I think its a way more effective way to tell them how you feel.

    http://yesi-fashionandbeauty.blogspot.com/

  • masquerade88

    Gossip always hits a nerve, especially if you hear it firsthand. I would advise that everything negative you hear somebody say about you, turn it into a positive! For example, if someone says you’re overly girly, look at yourself in the mirror and say, “”I take pride in my personal appearance, and I have a style that’s unique to me. And I AM a girl. A wonderful woman. A BEAUTIFUL woman.”” Or if someone makes fun of the fact that you have a blog, again look at yourself in the mirror and say, “”I have a blog and that is AWESOME. I have my own thoughts and ideas and I take the time to share them.”” Water off a duck’s back, my dear. Your real friends will love you no matter what. <3

  • AnselSf

    I think it’s really important that when you decide to talk (or write) to them, you don’t judge them, either. I know it’s a hard thing to do, but just as they cannot be in shoes, you can’t be in theirs.
    What I mean is please, please, please, don’t make the common mistake of telling them why you think they said those things, (such as “”you’re all envious, because I have a lot of visits on my blog””) but only let them know hoy *you* felt when you heard them. Not only that will help them not to build up their defenses, but it is also the fairest, most accurate way of facing it. At the end, you don’t know other people’s motivations, but you *do* know how you felt, so that should work. :)
    Huge hugs!!

  • AnselSf

    in *your shoes.
    (I hate it that I’m not able to delete/edit my previous comments :()

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  • Hannah Liu

    The best thing you should do is tell them you don’t like it. And when they gossip more about you tell an adult otherwise try to ignore them.

    I hope it gets better! :)

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  • Deanne Castro

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  • Nathalie Maxey

    Sorry to hear that! I hate gossip and drama! I agree with the note / approaching them once and moving on. People are always going to judge and talk, so keep your head high. And yes, blogs are awesome! ;) Good luck with everything!

    XO Nat
    http://www.natinlove.com?cm=1

  • Meghan Conard

    Great advice! Approach them in a non-threatening way and be honest with them about your feelings. Stay positive & keep blogging :)

    xx-MC
    http://mc2squared.blogspot.com

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  • Paulie Simone

    I always feel the best response is no response, why give an obviously jealous group of women power to get under you skin. I don’t typically like to lean on the word “”jealous””, but based on the comments about you being “”overly girly”” and having a “”blog”” and that fact that your younger,(and I’m sure much cuter)that has to be what it is. Just keep you head up and don’t change a thing and if you must retaliate, which i don’t advise. Do it in your blog, that way it comes across articulate, well mannered and not catty.

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  • Aimee Major

    hi lauren i have an ask lauren question for you first of all your brilliant role model!! i am 25 and the last few years have been tough ive been through alot of mishaps losing friends going abit too wild and gaining pounds so quick i really want to get my act together start working on my future that being my career and my weight do you have any advice for proper weight loss?also i am a drama student in my final year but ive lost the passion for drama i am a writer and a fashion designer (not very good one) ive lost my motivation and im worried il end up a nobody :( thanks for being a inspiration for girls and women everywhere! aimee x

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  • Marianne Jarvis

    In response to this readers question: I think that you should sit down together and have a civil chat and say that the things they said we’re really harmful and ask them how they would feel if it was the other way around?

    Gossip if it is bitchy is not very nice and they should be aware that it makes you feel uncomfortable. Of course, it’s hard when you live together and roommates sometimes struggle to gel together.

    Tell them it is not okay to judge you and maybe suggest that it’s only cos they don’t know you that well and suggest hanging out together. It will strengthen your relationships as room mates. And maybe in time, they will stop gossiping and actually enjoy who you are :).

    I have an #Ask Lauren question:
    My best friend’ girlfriend is very jealous of mine and his friendship so much so that she has started arguments with me due to it and made snide comments via Facebook message such as ‘Can you back off my boyfriend? And stop being depressed all the time and stop discussing problems cos he is just your friend not your boyfriend.’ I’m not interested in him like that and I would never go there due to the fact its wrong and morally incorrect. Anyway, it’s caused arguments between me and him and she also has controlled what he does like he isn’t allowed to go to Nando’s because of me etc. Plus. recently she went and got her ex-boyfriend to threaten his ex-girlfriend , who is on mine and his course and is my good friend too. It’s not my place but he forgave her and think he is wrong in that. It’s not the first time she has done it. Don’t get me wrong my friend hasn’t been very nice towards them as a couple. I just think his Girlfriend manipulates too easily. I don’t like seeing it happening.

    How do I tell him this without ruining our friendship or do I not say anything at all ? Hmm :/

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  • Ambi s

    How horrible :-(

    I’ve had people say things about my blog; if they’re making fun of it, they’re obviously reading it so they can’t dislike it all that much!

    I’m doing a Q&A post on my blog, Bombay Rose, in December, to include topics like cattiness, gossip, boy drama. Absolutely anything. I was bullied at school and dealt with a lot of this sort of thing and sometimes an impartial person gives the best advice (much like Lauren on her Ask Lauren posts!)

    I’ve explained how to get in touch on the end of my Friday Favourites post this week:

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    Hi Lauren,

    This I was hanging out with this guy for a while and we were talking on a regular basis. We work together and would hangout on a regular basis with work people. We were both flaky when it came to plans but eventually I stopped playing games with him and everything seemed normal. I had been told by a mutual friend of his that he was down to “”hookup”” with me. He had never been suggestive and had never made a move on me. I had made it clear to mutual friends at work that I wouldn’t hookup with anyone from work. I eventually came to the conclusion that I would if he pulled a move. After putting myself out there as far as being extra flirty at a work halloween party, he ended up hanging out with his ex fling and some others from work. His ex fling has a serious boyfriend so I didnt understand the deal with that. Now we dnt talk outside of work and he has no interest to hangout with me. I dnt understand what he ever wanted from me if he never got his hookup and why he just lost interest all of a sudden and doesnt even want to be friends. I am in need of some boy advice….

    Thanks

  • leashy Occhipinti

    Slap those bitches!!

  • Aggie Tutia

    Dear Lauren,
    My roommate texted me the Tuesday night I got back for Thanksgiving saying that a friend from down the hall asked her to move in with her. And she’s thinking about it. I’m determined to not let her go mostly because we’re really good roommates, the school year is about halfway over and I don’t want a new roommate so late after getting comfortable with my current roomie, and I think it’s just rude to switcheroo like that. While she’ll be helping her friend, I’d be left to deal with a stranger in my home or pay double for the dorm. I’m a freshman and new to the whole roommate business so how can I deal with this with class? I already told her “”I ain’t giving you up”” but what can I do to get her to continue our commitment?

    Thank you!

  • Clea Jane

    Hi Lauren,

    With the holidays quickly approaching I was wondering if there is a certain amount you are suppose to spend on a significant other. When gift shopping for especially the holidays (but for birthdays and anniversaries too) I end up always asking myself did I spend enough? Did they spend more on me? Is there a certain guideline I should be going by? I know it is the though that counts but I feel like depending on how many years you are with someone and if you are able to spend a certain amount you should. So, what do you think is a good amount to spend on a significant other? Do you think how many years influences that as well? I would love to see what you think!

  • Aaron Damico

    Lauren, will you buy me a suit, so I have, something decent to wear? Kind of a joke, kind of serious, though. I am a solid guy, I do not have much money. I am an extremely hard worker. I really would like to meet a real woman. I am over dating little girls, that get off on the “”game””. I would like to thank you for being a positive female. Your kind and caring spirit is needed. Obviously, there is not a lot for me to contribute to on the site, I still enjoy it, I guess. I feel like I have to do my homework when it comes to woman. So, I am just here studying.

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  • alliejane

    Dear Lauren,
    The past 2 years I, along with my friends at our University, have participated in an event called relay for life. It is a fundraiser walk for cancer. It lasts 12 hours, night until morning, where the participants walk a certain track around a gym or football field etc. lined with tables and booths of activities. I have so much fun at these! There are so many people everywhere we go that have been affected by cancer in some way, myself included, and I’m sure you know someone who has been affected as well. This year I am in charge of the activity the group Im in will do. 2 years ago it was a bean bag toss, last year it was a cake walk. I was wondering if you could give some ideas for a fundraiser booth, or other ways my group can raise money for this event. It is such a good cause and near and dear to my heart. I follow all your pages from facebook to pinterest and I am inspired by so much that you do, so I thought I would ask you! Thanks for your help!

  • Eryn Grace

    Dear Lauren,

    I am currently at the point in my life where I need to choose a career, I am really into Fashion and Blogging, I was wondering if you have any advice on what to study? And what did you study at college? thank you, Love Eryn ox

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    Have a nice Christmas and New Years, take care.

  • Catie Smith

    If they have a problem with you they should honestly just talk to you about it. They dont know you or your story, so they have absolutely no room to talk. You dont know their story so, you have no room to talk either. My suggestion is you guys should have lunch or dinner together, or have a small get together to get to know each other more, so then if they have a problem with you, then would be the time to talk to you about it, same if you have a problem with them!

  • Niccole Salomone

    dear lauren,
    i need advice! i have a problem..
    so this summer i had my 3 best friends. we all do the same sport & were training together all summer therefor we were always togehter. during our training time we managed to meet 4 other guys that were training for the same sport ( they were 3 years older though). we started handing out with them.. each girl managed to fit perfectly with one of the guys.. we all though we were just having fun! well i was the first one to manage to get myself asked out & in a relationship with one of them. when summer ended i was to scared for a long distance relationship with the guy.. even know he was great, he was my first boyfriend and i know how guys are in college. we broke up kinda a sore break up but after we did my best friend got asked out by his bestfriend and they decided to do long distance. he completly changed her into the girl he wanted, having her on a leach while hes at college in a frat. well they all went back to college my EX and i started talking again.. realizing we do like each other a lot more than we though. He came home for thanks giving and him and my best friend were both acting weird around me but i tried not to think anything of it. the last night he was here i asked him.. actually i told him i knew there was another girl (thinking i was wrong) but sadly i wasnt. after sobing for days i confronted my best firiend who was dating his friend and she told me she knew all along that he had been sleeping with other girls and that she felt that she was good friends with him also and she shouldnt put herself in the middle of it and that she didnt want to “”hurt”” her relatinship by getting in the middle. honestly thats not what i call a best friend. i am such a girls girl and will do anything for my friends. all my friends & team mates are freinds with her though. we all play the same sport & everything she is every i go and i cant adviod it…
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  • Slightlycrazydaisy

    You are right, mean and hurtful things like that happen to every girl, and sometimes I am the one gossiping. Whenever the topic of a girl becomes rude or judgmental, I try and get out of there because I know that if I stay, I’ll get caught up in it too.

  • Slightlycrazydaisy

    You are right, mean and hurtful things like that happen to every girl, and sometimes I am the one gossiping. Whenever the topic of a girl becomes rude or judgmental, I try and get out of there because I know that if I stay, I’ll get caught up in it too.

  • Slightlycrazydaisy

    You are right, mean and hurtful things like that happen to every girl, and sometimes I am the one gossiping. Whenever the topic of a girl becomes rude or judgmental, I try and get out of there because I know that if I stay, I’ll get caught up in it too.

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  • Rachel Cooksey

    I know it’s cliche, but always remember that when people are taking the time to talk about you they are probably jealous – about something- whether it’s your hair, style, confidence. People who are happy will be happy, people who are lacking gossip. you can never stop gossip from happening, but you can control how much if hurts you. remembering they are jealous always has helped me control the ache of overhearing hurtful things.

  • Rachel Cooksey

    I know it’s cliche, but always remember that when people are taking the time to talk about you they are probably jealous – about something- whether it’s your hair, style, confidence. People who are happy will be happy, people who are lacking gossip. you can never stop gossip from happening, but you can control how much if hurts you. remembering they are jealous always has helped me control the ache of overhearing hurtful things.

  • Rachel Cooksey

    I know it’s cliche, but always remember that when people are taking the time to talk about you they are probably jealous – about something- whether it’s your hair, style, confidence. People who are happy will be happy, people who are lacking gossip. you can never stop gossip from happening, but you can control how much if hurts you. remembering they are jealous always has helped me control the ache of overhearing hurtful things.

  • NoHandStand

    Ask Lauren: Dealing with gossip

    Lauren, I haven’t had the chance to collect your novels yets… My gossip isn’t delt with until my book reading is finished. What’s your favorite plot script in one of your books?… That answers the question dealing with gossip?…

  • NoHandStand

    Ask Lauren: Dealing with gossip

    Lauren, I haven’t had the chance to collect your novels yets… My gossip isn’t delt with until my book reading is finished. What’s your favorite plot script in one of your books?… That answers the question dealing with gossip?…

  • NoHandStand

    Ask Lauren: Dealing with gossip

    Lauren, I haven’t had the chance to collect your novels yets… My gossip isn’t delt with until my book reading is finished. What’s your favorite plot script in one of your books?… That answers the question dealing with gossip?…

  • Kendall Powell

    This is a great way to look at things. If you have “”haters”” you’re doing something right! But don’t be rude when you confront them, that would just stir up more drama!

  • Kendall Powell

    This is a great way to look at things. If you have “”haters”” you’re doing something right! But don’t be rude when you confront them, that would just stir up more drama!

  • Kendall Powell

    This is a great way to look at things. If you have “”haters”” you’re doing something right! But don’t be rude when you confront them, that would just stir up more drama!

  • Kendall Powell

    This is a great way to look at things. If you have “”haters”” you’re doing something right! But don’t be rude when you confront them, that would just stir up more drama!

  • Kendall Powell

    This is a great way to look at things. If you have “”haters”” you’re doing something right! But don’t be rude when you confront them, that would just stir up more drama!

  • Kendall Powell

    This is a great way to look at things. If you have “”haters”” you’re doing something right! But don’t be rude when you confront them, that would just stir up more drama!

  • Kendall Powell

    This is a great way to look at things. If you have “”haters”” you’re doing something right! But don’t be rude when you confront them, that would just stir up more drama!

  • Kendall Powell

    This is a great way to look at things. If you have “”haters”” you’re doing something right! But don’t be rude when you confront them, that would just stir up more drama!

  • Kendall Powell

    This is a great way to look at things. If you have “”haters”” you’re doing something right! But don’t be rude when you confront them, that would just stir up more drama…man, girls are mean.

  • Kendall Powell

    This is a great way to look at things. If you have “”haters”” you’re doing something right! But don’t be rude when you confront them, that would just stir up more drama…man, girls are mean.

  • Kendall Powell

    This is a great way to look at things. If you have “”haters”” you’re doing something right! But don’t be rude when you confront them, that would just stir up more drama…man, girls are mean.

  • Kendall Powell

    This is a great way to look at things. If you have “”haters”” you’re doing something right! But don’t be rude when you confront them, that would just stir up more drama…man, girls are mean.

  • Kendall Powell

    This is a great way to look at things. If you have “”haters”” you’re doing something right! But don’t be rude when you confront them, that would just stir up more drama…man, girls are mean.

  • Kendall Powell

    This is a great way to look at things. If you have “”haters”” you’re doing something right! But don’t be rude when you confront them, that would just stir up more drama…man, girls are mean.

  • Kendall Powell

    This is a great way to look at things. If you have “”haters”” you’re doing something right! But don’t be rude when you confront them, that would just stir up more drama…man, girls are mean.

  • Debug

    Thanks Lauren for this advice I am dealing with this right now and its very hard to deal with people gossiping about u especially when u feel like your all alone in the situation.

  • Debug

    Thanks Lauren for this advice I am dealing with this right now and its very hard to deal with people gossiping about u especially when u feel like your all alone in the situation.

  • Stephanie

    I once was gossiped about over the headset at work by two other managers while I was on my break at a previous hellish job. I was so mad, but took the rest of my break to cool off and then simply walked up to them and said just so they knew I’d heard the whole conversation they had, and it was untrue (and hypocritical considering some of their behavior I’d seen) and it was highly unprofessional to talk about me behind my back. I then asked if they agreed to which they nodded with red faces. It was awkward but I felt great for doing it. No name calling, just blunt and to the point. One thing that may result in standing up for yourself though is some awkwardness and not having a positive relationship with the people, which sometimes is for the best. Just chin up, be cordial, and move on!

  • Blossom

    To add to Lauren’s advice, I have found that face-to-face approaches tend to work best. It shows others that you actually took the time to bring it to their attention and also, this will prevent any misconstrued information. At one point or another, we have to learn how to stand up for ourselves and why not let this be your starting point. Gossiping is inevitable ( we are all guilty of it), maybe a second option is to learn to ignore. I know it is not the easiest thing to do, but it avoids confrontation if that is something you want to stay away from.

    People tend to react on emotions and maybe, taking the person out of the context, we can see what the root of the problem is and minimize that certain “thing” that is causing a reaction out of people. Either way, life goes on and this too shall pass.

  • Louise

    Sounds like jealousy and too much alcohol to me :) I wouldn’t worry , take it as more of a compliment, unless they said anything nastier than you’re girly and write a blog

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