The Ladylike Laws: Manners Matter

I have always found matters concerning etiquette fascinating. Different customs, traditions and pillars of decorum vary widely across cultures and I love learning about them. (I guess you could say I’m a closet enthusiast of cultural anthropology. And maybe I’m feeling inspired after having read The Help.) Needless to say, in our need-it-now, “Sorry I’m Facebooking!” I’ll-tweet-you-later world, manners have been left by the wayside. So why should we care? Etiquette makes social situations easier to navigate. Furthermore, having good manners is key to showing and gaining respect. By knowing what’s uncouth, you will be more confident in yourself and likely more adored by others! And who doesn’t want to be liked?

In a nutshell, etiquette is a set of social rules adopted by a society or culture over time (Thanks, Emily Post!). Most rules are simply known, while others are documented. Rv9iIF2mG9ptAsCiyTNID18z.jpeg:Amazon:photo

tbd:Amazon:photo

Remember all those books we read before starting school? “It is not okay to poke your friends in the eye or kick them in the shins as a means of hello.” Most likely, we wouldn’t know this unless we were taught otherwise. The bottom line here is etiquette sets the norm for how people treat each other (and want to be treated). It’s the unwritten “How to Interact with Other People Guide for Dummies.”

I bet you have engaged in a dozen variations of proper etiquette today. For starters, you probably woke up this morning, brushed your teeth and got ready for the day. Proper hygiene and timeliness are both ways you exercise etiquette on a daily basis. You also probably greet friends, family and loved ones with warmth and kindness. There it is again–etiquette lurking… All of our daily interactions are in one way or another based on some standard of decorum. It’s when we come upon new, awkward or uncommon social situations that knowing your manners truly matters: first dates, hugging, interviews, wedding gifts, texting, bridal showers, eating sushi, emailing, even pinning on Pinterest (who knew?)… Every aspect of social engagement requires some level of courtesy to others. Here’s where I come in.

I’m not pointing any fingers. I’m guilty of some of the worst offenses. I text during dinner, I forget to write thank you notes, I’m usually running late… Needless to say, I figured this series would be a fun and informative way for us to learn about the general dos and don’ts of modern life. (Queue Rocko’s Modern Life theme song…now.) Now, I’m not going to tell you how to live per say. I am, however, going to provide you with the tools and knowledge you need to navigate uncomfortable and unfamiliar (and a few basic) social situations with a little finesse.

Over the past few weeks, I have finally tackled my stack of etiquette books and am excited to share all the discoveries with you… Did you know you’re not supposed to take home a doggy bag of leftovers on your first date? Ever. Wish I had known this back in high school… Together we will learn all the laws to being a modern day lady!

If you have any requests, leave them in the comments below and I’ll do my best to cover that topic.

My first Ladylike Laws post will be about first dates.

Get excited!

XO Lauren

Photo: Amber’s Attic
Categories: Etiquette, Grow
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  • Maria Louise Hasler

    Great and important subject.. Love it! :)

  • Lauren Hoffman

    Timeliness is one of the most important things to me! I live by, if you’re on time you’re late and if you’re 15 minutes early, you’re on time. I hate waiting on any body or any thing, you have to have the same respect for others! Can’t wait to see what other etiquette tips you tackle!
    xoxo
    Lauren
    http://eyeblinkfashion.wordpress.com/2011/10/24/spectacular-spectacles/

  • Sarah Heckle

    Eeek. I totally brought home leftovers after my first date with the guy who is now my husband. I was too nervous to eat though!

    I’m looking forward to learing about etiquette!

    Sarah

    http://tulleandtrinkets.com/

  • paypat

    I think this one works as it is all about how you treat people:

  • Naureen Bukhari

    So excited for this series! I am all about the proper etiquette in all situations (even though I don’t always follow it/know what it is)! Looking forward to reading more in this series.

  • paypat

    Kill ‘em with kindness works, too!

  • Danielle Gray

    Thank you Lauren, I put this in my faves on my laptop I will enjoy reading this. Have a wonderful Monday!

  • Emilie Jordan

    This sounds like a wonderful idea. I’m excited :)

  • Christina

    YAY! This is great!

  • Kellie Norton

    I LOVE this!!! I can not wait for more posts, how about one that is about “”how to remain a lady around you’re boyfriend, even if you’ve been dating for over 2 years.”” I feel like sometimes, as girls, we get a little TOO comfortable around our boyfriends and we need a little help remembering what it truly means to be a lady :) Thanks Lauren!!

    -Kellie

  • Hallie Goehner

    if want more ideas or inspirations go to: http://etiquetteforalady.tumblr.com/

    I love reading all of the cards and it has helped me in my everyday life being a lady as well. :)

  • Finn

    I NEED THIS! HAHAH GREAT IDEA XOXO

  • Vanessa Grant

    Love this! Just last night I was telling my husband that I was going to design some Etiquette Cards (business card type) and hand them out to people in shopping malls etc… It is such a shame how many people do not know simple terms like “”Thank you”” and “”Excuse Me”” or even crack a smile when you catch them staring. I look forward to reading all your words of wisdom. Might even use them for the cards lol!

  • Kayla Brennan

    This is such a great idea! I’m so excited :-)

  • Helen Le

    Oh this is interesting. I wonder what the first Etiquete rule would be.

  • Alexandra Underwood

    I’m so so pleased you’re writing about etiquette and manners. In today’s society (particularly Western culture), it seems the more technology advances, the quicker manners diminish. Although Social Media is allowing for more two-way conversations to take place, this is in a virtual world, were there are almost no limits, rules or boundaries in which to follow.

    My Grandfather always told me – manners cost nothing, but will take you far in life.

    Look forward to reading you’re findings!


  • Elena Wilde

    thats perfect!! to me, etiquette is super important, and i`d love to get some tips, feeling ladylike is a great feeling :) xx

  • becca nenow

    I am also fascinated by the changing manners of our modern world, especially those pertaining to ladylike behavior. This series will be one I will constantly be on the lookout for- particularly the posts on hugging, texting, and sushi! Another topic you may consider covering is fixing oneself in public (brushing hair, applying makeup, etc.)

  • Jenn Socarras

    I already love this thread!Excited to learn some things I don’t already know :)

  • Shellz
  • Shelbs

    This is why I wish I lived in the 1940s-50s era, before manners and respect went extinct. I’m sure there are people who still hold open doors and say thank you, but it’s so rare to see. Can’t wait to learn proper etiquette tips I didn’t know! Like the doggy bag on the first date.. who knew?!

  • Ashley Angelini

    I’m so happy you are writing about manners. I have been shocked by how many people do not even have the basics anymore (My boss rencently sent an email to remind coworkers not to talk on the phone with customers with food in their mouth). This is much needed!

  • Lauren Cichon

    Great topic! I just read “”Classy: Be a Lady, Not a Tramp”” by Derek Blasberg and it was hilariously informative. Can’t wait to read your tips!

  • Anna James

    So happy you wrote about this. Growing up in the south I’m used to every one being extremely friendly and having great manners. It’s been such a whilwind out here in LA, it’s refreshing to hear you talk about this. That being said, I’m always running late and have been known to text at dinner when it’s important. Excited to see what other great tips you share. Thanks Lauren. xo

    http://fashboulevard.blogspot.com/

  • Jess

    Interesting! Growing up in New England, the typical “”southern”” manners were not pressed in my childhood. I didn’t even realize that etiquette was such an important aspect of day to day socialization until reading this. I’m very curious to see what else you have to say on this topic, and I hope it stems beyond the obvious/typical idea of traditional young lady manners! Great ideas!

  • Jenna Brooke Strickland

    Love this idea, Lauren! I’d like to request etiquette advice for accepting compliments and how to respond to unwanted flirting! I’m excited to see what you discover for us!

  • Veronica Sauceda

    i love this.

  • Erika Sovs

    Lauren, Thank you for doing this! Can you cover what the southern Debutantes learn way they are being trained? That would be interesting to know. Also, can you please share what books you are reading. Can’t wait to read your future posts!

  • Jennifer P

    I’m excited about this series of posts to come. I work with younger people and manners and ettiquitte are out the door for them. It will be refreshing to know that somewhat out there understands their p’s & q’s.

    Jennifer

  • Alba Cuci

    I am so glad you are talking about this! Please share any books you found interesting.

  • Kathy Nguyen

    This is such a great idea. Can’t wait! :)

  • Elisee prummel

    This is such a good idea, i am excited!

  • Ida

    I absolutely love this stuff. It’s so reassuring somehow to know that someone has figured out The Rules!! We have Debretts in the UK (do you guys have them in the US?) and I go to them for everything I’m unsure of. They saved me before attending my first polo match – who knew that no matter how big the horse, one always calls them ‘ponies’?! Faux pas averted!

    Check it out: http://www.debretts.com/

  • Parisdiorcherie

    I love this, Lauren :) Exited for more Ladylike Laws

  • StephMarie

    I love this! Girls really need to learn about proper etiquette these days; it seems like our whole society is struggling with proper manners. Please share the books you’re reading!

  • Monika R

    Love this idea! Can you please cover “”holiday/dinner etiquette”” at your significant others’ family gatherings???

  • Kimmy S

    This is such a great idea! I love this and cannot wait to see what you have to say for the first post about dating!!

  • Larissa Wilhelm

    Thank goodness! I’m so excited about these upcoming posts. I feel so awkward in some many situations! I know this will help a lot!

  • Katie Guvernator

    Post about by what name you should call your friends’/boyfriend’s/other’s parents! I’m always worried about calling his mom “”Mrs. Sandra”” vs. “”Mrs. Burns,”” especially when he playfully calls her “”Sandra.”” If it were my mom, I would introduce her as “”Mrs. Mary””. HELPPPPPPP!

  • Dolly M

    This is a brilliant post :). I agree that in this modern day society, the female generation have lost the importance of manners and etiquette, yet it is so important in different aspects of our lives, being successful in a career, relationships and families, friends and acquaintances.

    I really look forward to reading your posts Lauren!

  • Melissa Panici

    Oh this is amazing! I can’t wait for these posts Lauren! I see so many girls that have no manners or etiquette and it’s ridiculous. People get so shocked when they see my 2 yr. old son with wonderful manners. Duh? lol Thank you!:)

  • Lupsie

    Funny, I always call people out for texting during dinner.

  • Crystal Rainville

    Fabulous idea having blogs on etiquette, Lauren is so right it gets so lost but is so neccessary. People are shocked my children are so little and don’t even require prompting to say thank you(they are 19 months and 3 1/2), but I model that behavior for them, so thats what they know. I want to know, what do you do when you go somewhere and don’t know anyone, and the people you came with do, but don’t bother to introduce you? My in laws favorite thing to do! They brought me and my oldest daughter to a brunch at someones house, and just showed her off while the family that lived there just glared at me!

  • Ashley H.

    A great book for this topic:

    “”How to be a Hepburn in a Hilton World”” by Jordan Christy

  • Kara Pretorius

    Wow thanks Lauren! This will be great and I look forward to reading this series of posts :)

    ps. I have always been telling myself to be more ladylike so now we all have a fun way of experiencing this journey together! Yay! :D

  • Kara Pretorius

    Oooh! Just thought of a cool topic… How to dress more ladylike. I really want to be taken seriously and be considered stylish…

  • Maria scala

    Love this idea! I think one of the hardest (no matter how frequently we encounter it) places to know the proper ediquette is when tipping! I would love a post on that :)

  • Rebecca Kelsey Sampson

    I can’t wait to hear all of the tips you have to share. You always exhibit pose and elegance so I will take your tips to heart.

    Kindness is the best accessory,
    Rebecca

  • Lauren Conrad

    So excited everyone else is so excited :-)

  • Traci LaRussa

    A perfect addition to a lovely site.

    Etiquette is a wonderful way to be mindful of real beauty – love, kindness and charity.

    Traci Lea

  • Kiwi

    Thanks for doing this because most of friends now these days are really rude…and I’d like to stop thiss!!! Thanks!!

  • Jennifer Haring

    I’m a substitute teacher and therefore see about 300 different students per week, and even after 2 years of subbing I am still shocked to see that half of the students don’t have any manners. I keep saying I want to start an etiquette class, I am planning on bringing some of your tips in (when they are appropriate) in hopes that I can help. Thanks for doing this series!

  • LillyElla

    I am looking forward to this post series! I love etiquette and think that it is something that is being left behind in our technology crazed society!

  • Yaz

    I love this idea! I definetly need this! Sometimes I never know if my actions would be judged by another perpective in a negative way. Can’t wait!

  • Nicole Duvall

    I love this idea! Manners never go out of style!

  • Lisa Lopez

    Good manners never go out of style! I think that’s a great idea. For your next post, may I suggest dinner party etiquette? Or perhaps party etiquette in general?

  • Katia Gobbo

    I wish your site came in portuguese too!!!

  • Erin Allard

    I think this modern day manners series is a fantastic idea! I learned proper etiquette at a young age, and my parents got to enjoy taking me to nice restaurants with them and they got invites to bring my sister and I to dinner parties because we were known as the “”well behaved girls””. I see bright and beautiful women that have poor manners and they come off kind of trashy.

  • Kayla Blanton

    Fabulous idea! :) Can’t wait for the first Ladylike Laws post!

  • Tammi Cruise

    Lauren, I am sooo exicted about this! I think so many young women have forgotten how important “”good manners”” are and what they say about all of us! Your a fabulous role model for women of all ages!

  • Karmele Garcia

    Can’t wait! I know this is going to be great :)

  • moonlightwinter

    Lauren Conrad, can you cover ladylike manners when living in a college dorm? For example, how to treat your roommates/dormmates, how you should react to unethical roommates, etc.? How to speak up if you’re no okay with their habits, actions, etc. Especially, how do you let them know they are too insensitive?

  • moonlightwinter

    Lauren Conrad, can you cover ladylike manners when living in a college dorm? For example, how to treat your roommates/dormmates, how you should react to unethical roommates, etc.? How to speak up if you’re not okay with their habits, actions, etc. Especially, how do you let them know they are too insensitive? I live with 2 people who are very close so I know there will be tendencies that they would talk behind my back but how do I deal with that and how do I get them to like me?

  • Shona

    This is a fantastic idea! Please consider publishing your own book on etiquette, Lauren. Have a great day :)

  • Maria Padilla

    Finally! :D Etiquette never goes out of style.

  • Leah G.

    I am so excited Lauren! Can’t wait!

  • Candice Maniga

    I’ll use Audrey Hepburn as my example(: She always had this sweet, playful mystery added to her grace. If you can, I wonder how I can get that charm and know what to say and what to hold back on. I have a tendency to babble, but hey, I’m only 17.

    If Lauren ever reads this, I just wanted to let you know that you’re the only other girl I know of with the same birthday as me(: February 1st=birthday of champions?

    If any of the writers read this, you’re all so wonderful<3

  • Marissa B

    Lauren, I love this idea. Currently I am having issues with a friend that will not pay me back on a big ticket item(washer/dryer) I hate being the mean girl and bugging her and her husband and I do not want to lose a friendship, but I would like my money too. This couple is also one that would always come to our house when we would have friends over empty handed so I should have known to some degree. Maybe you can touch on a money topic on how to deal with cheap-skates! I could sure use it, I think I’m too nice sometimes.

    You’re the best!

  • Jessica Weed

    So exciting! One of my very favorite things about you is that you always come off as a classy lady and set a perfect example of a confident, friendly person. You are so likeable! I have to second what Shona said… please consider writing your own etiquette book :)

  • Yke Wierda

    Great idea!!! I loved reading all of your books. I think this is a fantastic topic for your new book!! Cant wait for your next post :)

  • DancesWithHooves

    Fantastic idea!!! Thank you!!! I would love to hear about how (and when) to speak up when someone you are around or with does something you do not agree with (I’m saying demonstrates terrible manners in public or does something very rude or unkind to someone else, I’m not referencing individual, unharmful personality quirks

  • Cherie LaFlamme

    This is a great topic of discussion!

    http://eyeblinkfashion.wordpress.com/2011/10/25/make-like-a-leaf/

    - Cher

  • Brandi Vennink

    Great idea! I am sure I can and will benefit from your posts.

    One of my key rules (& pet peeves) is RSVPs. Not very many people RSVP anymore, even if an invite asks them to. So inconsiderate!

  • Alejandra Figueroa

    I love the idea!!! If you write a book of it will be a must have :)

  • Kate Gallagher

    LOL I love how everyone wants a book from you. Modern Day Etiquette by Lauren it could work….really though you deff know how to keep up the class even when the media tries to tear you down.

  • Koceva Tamara

    I love this idea, I think that we forgot about manners in this crazy fast world… I think we should be more polite to other people and show respect for older people…. I thing buying a bouqet for our moms is a small token of appreciation, but means a lot to them…. I agree this is a great idea for your new book! ;)

  • Andrea Proctor

    Always return a phonecall no matter how long the time inbetween has lapsed! Manners like you say costs nothing!

  • Winnie

    i have always been big on thank you notes. i am so glad that i was raised to send them. i bought a great vintage typewriter and i type my thank you notes on darling stationary that my sister sent me from japan. it is an inexpensive and thoughtful way to show people how much you appreciate them.

  • Amanda Bradica

    I’m so happy you are bringing this matter to the attention of many. I feel traditional American social etiquette has been declining as the new subcultures have emerge in our society, creating their own social orthodoxy. Not an awful thing necessarily, but sometimes people forget what their mama told them. PLEASE discuss appropriate attire and behavior for classroom and campus settings. I think many young women could use the helpful hints.

  • Sulamita lima

    I loved this new subject, it’s so important to all aspects of life. It’s going to be very helpfull!

  • Natasha Hussain

    Having a dinner soon where my fiancee’s parents finally meet mine. PLEASE help a girl out, Lauren!

  • Southern Belle

    A good subject for this manners topic would be “”how to handle in-laws.”” Meaning how to act like a lady when they really get under your skin… how to bite your tongue, remain calm, and keep a smile on your face. :o)

  • Valerie Tasse

    manners on first dates, next saturday i’m supposed to have one, really stressed out about it ha

  • Amanda Walker

    I am so excited for these posts/discussions :) It’s sad that in this society many people lack the decency to hold doors open for others, or help others in times of need (other than friends, but more of people whom you don’t personally know). Little things like that can make a person’s day, week, or lifetime.

    Thank You, Lauren!

  • Tiffani Stuart

    I’m so excited about the Lady Laws!! I think “”being a lady””, has been a lost artform amoungst the everyday population. I think celebrities have a sense of proper decorum (or an uncanny acceptance [from others] for their poor behaviors, because of their celebrity). I can’t wait to really dig in to the etiquette information! So interesting! I’m looking forward to learning new things!

  • rawan felemban

    is that a new book ?

    if it it is where ca

  • rawan felemban

    where can i get one * ?

  • Amanda McKinney

    I really love this take on social media whores and manners :)

    http://amandafrances.com/?p=911

  • Jessica Franks

    can you please fill us in on Pinterest Etiquette

  • xitlaliC

    Thank you so much for emphasizing ladylike manners, I know times have changed however I think manners never go out of style. I really dislike it when girls burp at the table, even though they say “”excuse me”” its still uncomfortable to be sitting there.

  • Azure

    I would love to see a post on coffeehouse etiquette as it’s such a social staple for modern women. We work/write/study/read there, but we also casually meet with friends and semi-formally meet with business associates. While I would argue there are different specific etiquette rules depending on your reason for visiting a coffeehouse, there should also be some baseline rules regardless of your reason for visiting.

  • Jessica Clark

    What books did you read?

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